by Philbert of Macadamia on 13/03/13 at 3:59 pm
Pyongyang NK- (SatireWorld.com)
North Korea cancelled the 1953 cease-fire agreement ending the Korean War, citing US efforts that resulted in additional UN sanctions over their nuclear testing as well as ongoing US/South Korean joint military drills. China also backed tough UN sanctions, as Beijing is fed up with the North Korean leadership constantly ordering Chinese food takeout without paying the bill.
North Korea also threatened to exercise its “right to pre-emptive nuclear attack.” At a mass rally in Pyongyang the North Korean generals, with the big hats and swelled heads, told the crowd that North Korea is ready to fire long-range nuclear-armed missiles at Washington DC. Apparently Kim Jong Un the chief ding dong has at least one Taepodong long range missile.
North Korean threats are made every few years to get US attention for more food aid. The leadership knows that if any of their threats were acted out the country would be committing suicide, being turned into a burnt piece of Korean Sobro Bread by US and South Korean forces. North Korea has played such brinkmanship games with former Presidents Bill Clinton and GW Bush. But with President Obama who knows whether he’ll try further diplomatic negotiations with the North Koreans, e.g. another Iranian Kabuki Dance.
Secretary of State Kerry was hastily dispatched to North Korea by President Obama to calm the situation down, while the president took off in Air force One for another golf game with Tiger Woods. A few Republican and Democratic Congressmen accompanied the Secretary of State on the trip.
The American delegation met with the North Korean delegation of generals headed by Kim Jong Un. Secretary of State Kerry speaks German, French and Italian, but while trying to speak Korean inadvertently called Kim Jung Un a capitalist. The North Korean delegation did not find this remark funny. Secretary of State Kerry also promised 500,000 tons of genetically modified rice to the North Koreans, if they would cool their rhetoric.
Republicans traveling with the Secretary of State were furious that the US was again appeasing the North Koreans instead of treating them as lepers. Democratic liberals in the contingent were slightly miffed that genetically modified rice was being provided, as their environmental special interests hate the stuff. But on the other hand if they are right the stuff could wipe out the North Korean leadership without war, as the North Korean people would probably never see a grain of it.
In return the US gets 4 million packages of Bupkis (means great leader in Korean) brand frozen Kimchi (pickled cabbage) Tree Bark. This product has become a food staple in North Korea. The 4 million packages of Bupkis brand frozen Kimchi Tree Bark each contain trading cards of unclad North Korean ladies in various different positions. These cards are a means of raising hard currency through resale (North Korean copyright) in the US.
President Obama plans to hire 5,000 more federal workers at the FDA and USDA to insure that the Bupkis brand frozen Kimchi Tree Bark is not a genetically modified food. They are also going to remove the pictures of the unclad North Korean ladies from the packages, prior to their distribution as Bark Ready to Eat (BRE) meals. Disposition of the trading cards is still being debated by lawyers at the US Department of Justice.
BREs will become part of the US sequestration spending cuts. They will be used as the food service for President Obama, Representative Pelosi (D-CA) and her Democratic liberal minions when they fly on military jet transports (junkets) and aboard Air Force One (vacations and golfing), respectively. Senate Majority leader Reid (D-NV) commented he doesn’t like Kimchi!
BREs may become the travel meals for all civilian federal agency employees, in lieu of per diem, but additional imports would be required from North Korea. The high salaried White House staff and presidential press secretary will also be paid in BREs. Adequate funds should then be available to reopen the White House for tours!