by captain america on 22/03/13 at 10:56 amProvo, Utah- (SatireWorld.com)
Satire World editor Bargis Tryhol declared a day of mourning at the cutting edge investigative internet publication after learning of the death of his estranged and formerly conjoined twin Harry Reems in a VA hospital earlier this week.
Hospital workers said Harry died peacefully in his sleep after another night of dreaming about his past sexual exploits.
“I knew he was gone,” said nurse Pamela Titebothum, “when I came into his room this morning, there was no ‘tent’ under his sheets which I came to expect when I arrived to give him his usual prostate massage! He was a man amongst men, and speaking for his staff, we’ll all miss it!”
Like Reems, Bargis is best known for his title of the “man with the world’s largest penis’, a well earned title that got him banned from Britain a few years ago.
The infamous pair had their scrotum successfully separated during a history making operation performed by world renowned proctologist Sir Victor Nicholas during an 12 hour session in a Canadian hospital filmed by the Canadian Broad Casting System, later syndicated to the BBC and adopted for the US in a reality show series “Finding Big Dicks” which later spun off to MSNBC’s
MONSTER COCKS as a lead in to Chris Matthews’ show “Hair Ball.”
Bargis and Harry became estranged, according to Hollywood insiders, over a dispute regarding royalties on a plethora of classic porn films which many of today’s politicians cut their teeth on and led to their attitude of screwing around once elected.
Some of the porn blockbusters that smashed the glass ceiling leading to international acclaim were sports classics “Sunday Afternoon Double Header’, “Choke up and hit for Average’, “Quarterback Sneak’, “Tight End in Ana-heinie” and “Deja Vu all upside down again”.
There were some remakes of classics that fans still talk about: “Booty on the Bounty”, “High Moons over Bordello Falls”, and a cult favorite “Lassie Cums Home” co-starring a teen age Jane Fonda before she moved onto the really big guns in Hanoi.
Reems now joins in death former porn greats Johnny ‘Wadd” Holmes, who passed in 1988 from a mysterious illness while ‘passing through’ San Francisco on a tribute tour, and Linda Lovelace, known for her Classic ‘Deep Throat’, thought to be the inspiration and business model for the Kardashian Dynasty based on the foundation that public oral sex is good for your career.
Diane Feinstein, Senator from California, recently shot down over her hysterical gun grab ban, said she’s not done yet!
Speaking before the Senate today Feinstein acknowledged Reem’s passing saying, “well, my battle to ban assault weapons is half done’ before introducing legislation to ban ‘all assault weapons over 10 inches whether they go off when you pull the trigger or not.”
Senator Ted Cruz rose to rebutt (sic) Feinstein saying, “here’s another perfect example of my liberal colleague with a 6th grade education going off half cocked yet again! If she handled a gun once in a while she’d know they don’t go off by themselves, especially around lesbians.
Big Guns don’t kill ‘normal’ sexual activities, obese, drunk lesbians in pants suits do!”
Reems’ personal executor of the his estate, says Harry requested he be cremated and his ashes scattered over the nude beach in Malibu, and that his famous member be pickled and sent to his estranged brother in Orlando for permanent display in the Satire World Hall of Fame.
Florida Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz said she’d love to make a pilgrimage to the shrine, but had only one question, “will I be able to touch it without having it go off?”
Said Bargis, when hearing of the comment, “with the way she looks, I think she’ll be perfectly safe, Harry and Me, we never were into necrophilia!”
More news on Penis Enhancement as the Brits get it.
EDITOR’S NOTE: Today we will be flying the SatireWorld flag at ‘half mast.’