by captain america on 28/03/13 at 9:43 amHamilton, Bermuda, April 1, 2013.
The White House Travel Agency announced the President’s latest gambit to promote Judeo-Christian Unity in view of his waning popularity in Hollywood, Palm Beach and Tel Aviv by Chartering the Queen Mary 2 to celebrate the upcoming days of Passover, Palm Sunday, and Easter rolled up in one big cluster.
The last of the iconic true Ocean Liners will begin it’s cruise in Hamilton, Bermuda where it has recently been reflagged to avoid pesky European Union rules regarding recycling of waste,
tensile strength of toilet tissue, minimum wage and vacation mandates for crew, and newly mandated DNA tests on ‘mystery meat’.
The President and First lady will fly to Bermuda on Air Force 1 where they have made arrangements to meet up with first and second children Sasha and Malia as they complete their taxpayer funded spring break with 100 of their closest Facebook Friends!
From there QE2 will set forth on a quixotic ‘Cruise to Nowhere’ as far down to Key West, then off to a state visit to Venezuela for a brief port stop to pay respects to a ‘pickled’ Hugo Chavez, then off for 10 sea days.
Lest the participants become bored, the program staff will be presenting a collection of lectures, David Copperfield magic shows, and special singing engagements by Beyonce, Ludicrous, the Jackson 4, and as a token to Israeli Prime Minister Benny Netanyahu, matinee shows produced by country singer, politician and commentator on Jewish life in today’s world, Kinky Friedman.
Self described ‘Jew Bag’ Debbie Wasserman Schultz, so named for her unmatched ability to ‘shop till she drops’ and fund rasing ability for the D & C (sic) will be co hosting a fund raising Majoung tournament along with Florida renowned ‘Scum Bag’ congressman Alan Grayson with all proceeds guaranteed to be unaccounted for.
The first family will be accompanied by 1500 furloughed assistants to the first lady, ‘Float-Us”, White House office workers, 150 unemployed meat inspectors, 275 FAA controllers, Mother in Law Marion Robinson, White House dog Bo,and 225 secret service men re assigned from White House tour duties due to the CRUEL Republican instigated SEQUESTER.
No confirmation yet on a report of a contingent of Columbian ‘sex surrogates’ recruited by the Secret Service to relief stress.
For the kids, the President has requested that the Captain maintain a modest speed of 18 knots, far lower than the 31 knots the QE2 is capable of, in order to not upset ‘the kids’ getting the thrill of their life being towed behind the wake on bogey boards, whilst the president and first lady parasail out of the port to keep an eye on the kids below.
Special guests of honor include various union heads representing government workers, the UAW, the radical Chicago Teacher’s Union, TSA, and various CEOs and Bundlers of failed GREEN corporations sponsored by the President determined to bring the country FORWARD to the 18th century.
Joe Biden will be putting on a skeet shooting exhibition off the fan tail, although the event has been somewhat diminished when the President refused his challenge on a best of 500 live pigeons being hurled from the stern by Alex Baldwin, some with broken wings.
First lady Michelle Obama has enlisted the services of NYC mayor Mikey Boomsberg(sic) to plan the onboard menu, which allegedly leans heavily on healthy vegetables imported from Mexico along with a large shipment of Acapulco Gold favored by the President going back as far as his idyllic high school days in Hawaii where it is said he ‘drifted’ though 4 years ‘on a cloud.’
So far the White House has refused to put a number on the cost of the trip, but it has been said that to run the 160,000 ton ship costs a minimum of $5m a day, or about 100 Euros if you figure in the discounted currency after the recent Cyprus debacle.
Rumours are circulating however, that CEO of Carnival, Mickey Arenson, based in Miami, has been offered a deal he can’t refuse by Obama’s chief extortionist Valerie Jarrett, whereby he discounts the trip by 75% in exchange for the Justice Department not taking over the cruise line ‘for the good of the resurgent economy’, a mandate backed by Ben Bernanke , Ted Geithner, Angela Merkel and the IMF.
While the Clintons, who have separate reserved cabins on different decks, will not be on board for Sail Away, they are expected to join the cruise in Haiti where they are putting the finishing touches to the amazing story of turning the 3rd world country into a 4th world destination after spending only a $zillion fund raising tax free dollars and reducing urban sprawl by forcing thousands of Haitians to give up their shanties in Port au Price for the idyllic life in the country living in caves on the mountain side denuded by unlimited clear cutting to provide heat and cooking fires for the starving.
Along with Sean Penn the Clintons were recently honored by the Island Nation’s highest award for their ‘humanitarian efforts’ and ‘unselfish commitment to making Haiti viable as a thriving nation by culling 50% of the population so the other 50% could live a normal life.”
Due to increased threats from North Korea, the US Navy will be providing an escort of the entire 7th fleet including 3 attack class frigates out ahead of the liner by 3 miles, an aircraft carrier to provide air cover, and 2 nuclear power subs designated as hunter-killers after Google Map showed a fleet of midget submarines had left their sub pens in North Korea and headed toward the Bahamas.
Secretary of state John Kerry has been put in charge of a fleet of Swift Boats as a ‘quick reaction force’ to combat any attempts by Somalian Pirates to hi jack QE2, and in anticipation of the attacks Kerry has already received the Navy Cross, the Somalian Campaign Medal, and 3 more purple hearts, which the Secretary’s spokesman said ‘certainly won’t hurt him in 2016!”
In order to counter anticipated dismay by the Tea Party over expenses, Obama has offered steerage accommodations to GOP Senators John McCain and Speaker of the House Boehner and promised to join them at the ‘all you can eat buffet’ bipartisan sit down brunch featuring endless tortillas, tacos, burritos. minueto, and pitchers of Margaritas.
The Obama protocol staff has prevailed up the captain to fly a series of flags from the fan tale in honor of the Nobel Prize winning efforts of the President. In honor of event the Union Jack, the Israel Flag, Old Glory and the Rainbow Coalition pennant will be seen to be flapping in the wind during the entire cruise which is sure to appeal to almost all of the happy revelers on board.
White House spokesman Jay Blarney (sic) bowing to press demands, says he will allow two US press pool reporters on board, soon to be unemployed Soledad O’Brien and Chris Matthews, whilst the UK will be represented by Piers Morgan, with Moran’s appointment leaving a gaggle of other UK journalists ‘really, really, hacked off,” according to recently indicted Rebekuh Brooks involved in the UK phone tapping scandal.
Said Ted Nugent, recently appearing on World Wide Sportsman about the latest Obama boondoggle, “This whole story is a really big F*****g joke, innit?”