by captain america on 31/03/13 at 8:17 amPoon Tang, N. Korea – (SatireWorld.com)
In a last ditch effort to avoid annihilation by the superior physical and technical forces of the Peoples Repubic (sic) of North Korea, Secretary of State John Kerry landed on Inchon Beach to deliver a hoard of prized porn and sex toys to the deranged leader.
Kerry addressed the horde of North Korean media, plus Chris Matthews of CNBC by mumbling, ” I can’t say I’ve come in case my wife is watching…but you can say I have returned!”
As an aside Kerry was heard on mike, “hope the little bastard F***s himself to death, those are some of my favorites!”
According to Hollywood Porn producers, Kerry brought uncut copies of ‘Deep Throat’, “Behind Al Gore’s Green Back Door,” Debbie (Wasserman Schultz) Does the Nasty’, “Monica’s Oval Office Purple Haze Dayz ‘, “Obama’s Baby Mamas”, Barney Frank in his cameo role of “Ben Dover, I think I love you (a romance known as a dick flix), and an old classic “Jane Fonda Rides Big Un’s Bareback!”
Included in the booty haul was a life like reproduction of Harry Reem’s claim to fame taken from his very stiff corpse after he passed away suddenly last week in a nursing home due to ‘lack of nooky’, according to his former conjoined twin, Satire World’s own editor Bargis Tryhol.
The local North Korean rag, “The Daily Kim Chi’ showed pictures of Kim Jr. looking at the famous staff under the caption, “Dear Leader contemplates famous Dick before launching attack on hated running dogs of capitalist imperialism.”
According to a spokesman for Kim Jr., the deranged dictator was impressed saying, “It’s almost as big as Dennis Rod-man’s…but not quite as dark!”
A spokesman for Kerry volunteered :’That’s because Harry’s thingy never ventured out into the daylight but spent most of it’s vibrant life in damp dark places!”
Nancy Pelosi, cowering in her San Francisco mansion was heard to express hope for the country saying, ‘maybe if he see’s the size of our swinging dicks, the little pecker will pucker up and back off!”
An official from NASA in charge of US drones that can spy on people through reinforced concrete said, “The little bastard took his VCR and all the tapes into his master bathroom, and has been busy trying to get a grip on himself ever since!”
Said Major General (ret) Percival Pissgums, of the People’s Home Defense Force in charge of defending the beaches in Pt. Salerno, FL “there’s more than one way to attack a little prick’s head…you can either spank the little brat, or let him wank himself to death.”
No word yet on whether the exploding dancing suppository supplied in the party bag has done it’s job, according to sources within the CIA. Said former DCI Morse, on loan to the agency, “when it does go off, it’s sure going to be one BIG ARSE MESS to clean up…these anal retentive Dick-taters(sic) always wind up getting it in the end!”