Crisis in Boston: Cops Run Short of Ammo & Donuts During Lockdown!

by on 20/04/13 at 5:28 am

"Please, take your hands off the donuts and step away from your vehicle!"

“Please, take your hands off the donuts and step away from your vehicle!”

Boston, MA – (

In the aftermath of the Bean Town Marathon Murder and Mayhem, followed by the Watertown Meltdown, the entire Boston area surrounding Copley square and the area which houses several of the nation’s most liberal bastions of education have ground to a halt due to a total lock down.

Following Friday morning’s confrontation where 326 armed Boston police cornered the now famous Tsarnaev Brothers and expended over 225,000 rounds of ammo leaving their hijacked Mercedes riddled, but still running well enough for one of the brothers to escape, police chief Sean O’Malley has asked the public to contribute to replenishing the diminishing ammo stock of officers.

Speaking live on Fox 5, O’Malley reached out to lawful gun owners pleading, “if you have any 9mm, or .40 rounds the Boston Police desperately needs your contribution. If you have any doubts, ‘do it for he Children!”

An aide to O’Malley said Dzhokhar Tsarnacv’s escape was due in part to the shortage of ammo for practice, which allowed him to escape due to rusty marksmanship and attributed to HomeLand Security, TSA, the IRS and NYC Mayor Mike Bloomberg’s personal body guards who in recent months accounted for over 3 billion rounds of ammunition being diverted from law enforcement as well as legal civilian gun owners.

Governor Patrick Deval contributed to the serious situation by placing the city under a complete lockdown telling people to stay home, which was not a problem since the roads where shut down, city transportation curtailed, and over 225,000 illegal aliens who vacationed in the Sanctuary City were afraid to show their face if they carried a prayer rug or were hidden beneath a burka.

However, with over 500,000 uniformed and undercover agents on their feet all day scouring scenic Watertown, the Governor did relent, authorizing 4 Dunkin Donuts shop to stay open to service the first responders.

The Patriotic donut franchises even offered free donuts and coffee, but by 3 p.m. this afternoon even they were running out trying to service an influx of law enforcement officers from Rhode Island, Connecticut, New Hampshire and Vermont getting in on the freebies.

According to one eye witness account there was a near riot when several Rhode Island parking meter officers tried to butt in line in front of 4 Boston Metro Mounted Horse officers who had ridden their mounts into the local store.

After one of the RI officers maced one of the horses, the other three reared up and according to reports mashed him into the ground leaving him looking like a raspberry jelly donut with the stuffing beat out of him.

Cooler heads soon prevailed after the Rhode Island cops were disarmed, and placed on a Fung Wa bus back to Rhode Island home of diceased mafia boss Ray Patriarca, and famous pub crawler, and former congressman Patrick ‘Patches’ Kennedy.

The last time the Boston cops let a stone killer slip through their fingers, they didn’t find Whitey Bulger for 16 years while he was hiding out in a beach front apartment in California with his girl friend, 172 weapons, and over a million in cash, bearer bonds, and a ‘get out of jail free pass’ signed by the FBI and endorsed by his Brother former State Senate speaker, and later U of Massachusetts President, Billy Bulger.

More if they ever get this guy, Dzhokhar “Alphabet’ Tsarnacv.

2 Responses to “Crisis in Boston: Cops Run Short of Ammo & Donuts During Lockdown!”

  1. Bargis

    Apr 20th, 2013

    RI cops…when it rains is the only time they get clean

  2. Captain america

    Apr 20th, 2013

    …..HA! If RI cops had been in charge of Boston Whitey Bulger
    would have been Mayor of Orlando by now,and in charge of the
    Jai Alai games in Hollywood (fl)….

    other hand, I do think the Boston cops do need some more time
    on the range with some proficient instructors….just saying.

    The only gun control I’d be for is taking the guns away from the gum shoes in RI!!!!

    BTW: Christie says he’s coming after your .50….as soon as the 15 minutes is up he promised with Obama to take care of those devastated by Sandy……seen the Jersey Shore lately? Most of it is in the Bahamas……!

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