by captain america on 01/05/13 at 3:23 pmChicago, IL – (SatireWorld.com)
The liberal media and the NBA were gushing with admiration for America’s first ‘Amorphous President’ as they bypassed breaking stories on ‘live’ abortions by Planned Parenthood, the unraveling scenario of scandalous incompetence in Benghazi, and dithering malfeasance regarding welfare terrorists in Boston as President Obama awarded bench sitting NBA player Jason Collins a newly minted Medal of Freedom declaring him a national hero “for coming out of the closet” at the close of his mostly unnoticed basketball career.
In counterpoint Obama’s cabal has refused to acknowledge that the victims of the jihadist Major Nidal Malik Hasan’s murderous rampage are entitled to recognition and the benefits available to any serving military personnel suffering from war related wounds, stubborning insisting the ‘ethnic cleansing’ was merely another incident of ‘capitalistic workplace violence.’
Further proof of misplaced allegiance is emerging after ‘high ranking’ administration officials are threatening career ending action, ‘or worse’ for whistleblowers with first hand knowledge of the Benghazi disaster and the administration’s fixation of painting militant muslims in nothing short of glowing terms.
Those former military men slaughtered as they rushed to the defense of the beseiged embassy, have yet to be awarded with any recognition of their heroic actions, while some say they should be punished posthumously for refusing orders to ‘stand down’ and let their comrades die.
Additional revelations have recently been aired concerning Obama’s preoccupation with his golf handicap instead of spending time on the nation’s spiraling unemployment, food stamp dependence, and the fact that ranks on the ever diminishing rolls of union workers are now on permanent disability.
Rumours are now circulating by the last few Christians in the White House, that answering to the President’s required prayer calls 5 times a day by staff is also interfering with day to day activities leading to complaints of ‘back aches’, knee joint pain, and the need for suede knee patches on pants suits and trousers.
Obama, reportedly still smarting over Bill Clinton’s mantel as the nation’s ‘First Black President’, is now, under staffer’s advice, making a move to be known as the nation’s ‘first half gay President’ in order to solidify his hold on the highly vocal and influential 3% of the population in the last census who listed their preference under ‘sex’ as OTHER.
Meanwhile, in the offices of the NBA, commissioner Howard Stern released a league fatwa warning teams that he expects the basketball player in question to be picked up by waivers by some team in the league threatening a major discrimination lawsuit should the weak shooting 36 year old guard with a vertical leap of 1’9″ find himself without a job next season.
According to Reggie Love, the President’s former “Body Man’, “if Barry needed a new ‘towell boy’ in the White House Locker room, he’d look just like Jason!”
According to the UK Guardian at least 4 Premier League teams are preparing to announce that they are primarily made up of gay, bi, or transexual players, a surprise to no one but former SW staffer Harold Worth still looking for his hat and his own real identity.