The Empire Strikes Back: Obama to Nationalize Liberal Print Media to Foil Bargis Tryhol!

by on 02/05/13 at 11:03 am

"As far as that Tyryhol dude, I'm gonna Jedi his ass from my Death Star!"

“As far as that Tyryhol dude, I’m gonna get my Jedi on and hand him some whoop-ass from my Death Star!”

The White House – (SatireWorld.com)

Following yesterday’s WSJ’s follow up story to a SW exclusive, a proposed conservative buyout of the nation’s most liberal, and misleading print media, President Obama has resorted to deceased socialist dictator Hugo Chavez’s playbook: Nationalize them!

The self described ‘most transparent regime in US History” met behind closed doors for over 24 hours in what has been described by SW informants as ‘a closely guarded CHOOM SESSION’and conservatives as just another example of :THE AUDACITY OF (a) DOPE!

According to the scenario that has ‘wafted’ out from under the door jamb, Obama has been urged to take the extreme measures from close personal aide Valerie Jarrett, and Muslim Brotherhood unregistered lobbyist Huma Weiner, unfortunate wife of former NY congressman, and heir apparent to the mayoral seat in NYC, A. ‘rigid digit’ Weiner.

Testing the waters, Al Jazerra America, new owner of the Al Gore failed TV station “Current TV” leaked a portion of the startling coup in order to get the liberal staffers of the publications on board following their unofficial show of hands indicating their intent to quit if the papers were taken over by the consortium of Rupert Murdoch, the unconjoined Koch Brothers, and Bargis Tryhol, SW editor AKA the ‘man with the world’s largest set of financial balls this side of Warren Buffett.

The President’s close advisors rushed him off the golf links and into the emergency session after it was revealed executives of the New York Times had awarded themselves enormous cash bonuses after hearing of the takeover and fearing for their financial and employment future, a move indicative they were getting ready to ‘bail out’ before the critical 2014 elections.

The Department of the Treasury in consort with the FED set up a new ‘Yellow Fund”, so named after the type of journalism practiced by the targeted outlets, in order to compensate the owners of the papers, mostly rich and privileged democrats.

Working with the department of justice, Holder’s bankruptcy lawyers first put the papers into Chapter 7 to insure that all debts would be wiped out, bond holders disenfranchised, and widows and orphans relying on the stock dividends to survive in the Obama economy would be reduced to queueing in line for the diminishing amount of EBT cards available to legal white citizens, food stamps and Obama phones in order to survive. The ploy follows that used by Obama to set up GM, Government Motors, to protect his union base of supporters.

Former editorial and opinion writers who had proven their loyalty to the regime would be retained and put on the government payroll which insured them they would have a gold plated pension plan, and be ‘exempt’ from ObamaCare and all the inherent taxes hidden in the law, and lest we forget, the 7′ stack of amendments tacked on by Redistribution Czar Catherine ‘the hun’ Sebelius.

At the last minute of the meeting, an ‘ear mark’ suggested by White House Spokesman Jay Blarney, (sic), added CNBC to the list of presidential outlets for take over, ensuring the return of Keith Olbermann as lead sports announcer touting the push for more gay professional athletes, regardless of their skill levels, to be granted contracts in the name of ‘diversity.’

Reached later, Olbermann crowed, “look forward to seeing more female kickers in the NFL this year wearing kilts…it’s long over due.”

In a related issue involving yet more political correctness, NFL commissioner Peter ‘Pan” Goodell joined the fray indicating that he agreed with the movement to replace the name and logo of the Washington Redskins, despite educated and gifted QB RGIII saying the move was over the top ‘political correctness.’

While ‘respecting’ the QB’s personal feelings, Goodell said he was committed to the new name for the capitol’s pro team, and announced a new marketing plan, including jerseys, shorts, sneakers, hoodies and caps would be going on sale soon through Obama’s personal on line political action group OFA (Offal?) which would not be subject to the regimes latest money grab for an on line sales tax.

Response to the new identity, “The WASHINGTON BLACK FEETS” so far has been ‘tepid’ according to marketing experts, not to mention grammatically incorrect, except in Maryland where taxpayers are used to getting ‘crapped on’ according to a news report appearing on SW today.

For those wishing to call in for the products, a prerecorded message prompts folks to “Press 1 for Ebonics.”



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