Secret Service left red faced after Straight Christian Proponent of Constitution found hiding in plain sight in Obama’s Cabinet!
by captain america on 09/06/13 at 10:29 am
The White House – (SatireWorld.com)
Despite vigorous checks by the Secret Service to weed out any conservatives on the short list for Obama staffers, it wasn’t until Valerie Jarrett over the weekend caught up on her monitoring of a few thousand phone calls, e-mails, and credit card statements that she discovered what she labeled “a mole ” close to the President.
A security aide to Jarrett, in charge of itemizing and classifying the captured data said they got on to the ‘dirty rat bastard’ when they discovered he had received an Obama Bobble-Head Doll when he submitted his payment for a subscription to the National Review, the conservative publication that has long been listed on the Administration’s ‘Terrorist List and number 2, just below Satire World.com.
White House security acted promptly and quickly located janitor Marquis Williams, former point guard for Georgetown University who was black-listed from contenting his career in the NBA when he came out for responsible parent hood, remained faithful to his college sweetheart who helped him through college, and raised two respectful productive children, one a Major in the USMC and a daughter who is a practicing veterinarian with a thriving practice in Wisconsin.
Williams was found in the oval office walk in cabinet where President Obama maintains his secret recording apparatus, the battery charger for his encrypted Blackberry, top secret drone controls and a discreet stash of Maui-Wowie Gold special Choom.
In a statement released by officials before Williams was mirandized, Williams maintained his innocence saying, “I voted for Obama the first time, but the second time I realized he wasn’t what he said he was…he can’t identify with real people, disdains discourse, refuses to meet people’s eyes, can’t manage, can’t control his messianic urges, hangs around with a bad crowd, can’t dribble, and has a terrible jump shot, despite what the MSM professes on ESPN and the sports pages of the Boston Globe. In short, he’s a phony, inept, egotistical idiot savant BASTARD!”
Despite White House efforts, Williams has not been linked to the Benghazi video, Hillary Clinton’s blot clot, Private Manning, the Oklahoma Tornadoes, the rise of health insurance premiums in CA by 125%, or even as the highly paid dance instructor for IRS employees.
Said Eric Holder, “The investigation over highly sensitive leaks coming from the White House is just beginning, I’m sure we’ll eventually be able to prove this is a right wing conspiracy which enlisted a mentally challenged black man who was either water boarded by Dick Chaney, or was brain washed by GOP rogue sleeper agents in the Cincinnati office of the Government Employees Union”
A host of defense lawyers said they will invoke the “Castle Doctrine” in William’s defense, “he was only defending himself and his country from a violent assault on the Constitution,” said lead council Judge Jeannie in a press conference where only Fox News reporters deemed it important to attend instead of reporting Obama’s take on the upcoming NBA playoffs and the Heat while pointedly ignoring the dynamic Boston Bruins and the newly resurgent Boston Red Sox as they continue to amaze with 9th inning heroics and mind numbing comebacks.
Obama’s troubles continue to mount after a series of scandals involving the abuse of power in recent weeks, dating back as far as 2008.
Those will be the least of his worries as reports of marital discord leak from the White House as sources report Michelle is ‘furious and insanely out of control’ after the Washington Post head line last week:” Barry Taps Rice!”
“That ranks up there with the NY Post’s front page story last week proclaiming: “Cuomo Flogs Weiner!,” said SW editor Bargis Tryhol, “it’s only a matter of time before the entire fantasy of the Obama Doctrine crashes and burns and takes their brain dead voters with them!”
In the Senate, Ted Cruz proposed an Amnesty Bill for Marquis Williams, and any other whistle blowers who have been persecuted due to their patriotism, conservatism, common sense, honesty, character,high morals, military service or religious beliefs while under fire in a muddy fox hole.