by Jalapenoman on 24/06/13 at 8:27 pm
Beginning July 1, the nation’s largest retailer will venture into cosmetic surgery for the first time when Walmart begins offering Breast Enhancement Surgery at all Super Walmart locations. The store where you can get your eyes examined and then get a new pair of glasses, get your nails done, then get your hair styled while waiting on your car to get new tires and an oil change, then do your grocery shopping while waiting for your prescriptions, and then do your banking before eating lunch at the inside Subway (all in one stop) will now add saline implants to their list of services.
Customers outside of a Bentonville, Arkansas location (just a mile from corporate headquarters) were excited at the announcement. Ed Earl Bushwacker of nearby Cletis, Arkansas said that “my daughter Edie Earlene has been asking me for a new pair of waders or a boob job for eighteenth birthday next month. I guess I can surprise her with a new pair of titties. We’ll save the waders for Christmas or sumthin.”
PHOTO INSERT: Wanda Jean Smith got her new boobs during her lunch break from her job at the Benton National Bank…”Boy, were the guys surprised when I returned from lunch! In less than 20 minutes I went from a 32a to a 38dd! Now, everyone wants to bring me coffee!”
The company plans an aggressive marketing strategy through the end of the year to make their customers aware of the new service. Walmart will begin their marketing campaign in July with a BOGO (buy one, get one free) promotion. August will feature a Back to School promotion entitled “Be a Bigger Hit with Bigger Tits in the Classroom!” (the program will offer discounts with valid student IDs or a teaching certificate). This will be followed in September by a “lube and a boob” tie in with their auto-service department. In October, people who donate their old A and B cup bras to the homeless at in-store drop boxes will receive discount tickets toward their surgery. November will feature a Thanksgiving themed tie-in (“Don’t be a turkey… leave the STUFFING to us!”). The Christmas plan calls for slogans posted throughout the store, such as: “Don’t be a Grinch, buy your wife the breasts she’s always wanted” or “Give the gift that keeps on giving back.”
The retail chain has already informed foundation garment makers such as Bali and Hanes that they are going to reduce their inventory of A and B cup sizes and want to stock more C, D, Double D, and larger sizes to accommodate the expected change in purchasing.
As a tie in with this and other services, Walmart has also announced that they will now have closed circuit televisions located throughout the store. On these, you can look at the progress of your car in the service department, your son getting a haircut, your grandma getting her eyes checked, and your wife or daughter getting their enhancement surgery. The company predicts that this will be a popular feature as cameras will be directly in each department, showing the vehicles and the people.
While the plastic surgeons are limited in only being able to increase a woman by two cup sizes in a single surgery, the company feels that there will be a large amount of repeat business as “we don’t feel that the flat chested woman is going to be satisfied when she becomes what used to be merely average, only to discover that she is once again small breasted compared to everyone else. We project that we may see some people several times as norms change!”
When asked why they were offering this service, company spokesman Harold Flapper said that “we want to be the complete shopping experience for our customer. Everything that they could need will eventually be available within the walls of our stores.”