“One More Anal Suppository Removed: Napolitano says she’s ‘moving on!”

by on 13/07/13 at 6:46 am

Homeland Security Chief Napolitano cracks a smile after watching Valarie Jarrett fall for the pull-my-finger prank while on MSNBC's Martin Bashir show.

Homeland Security Chief Napolitano cracks a smile after watching Valarie Jarrett fall for the pull-my-finger prank while on MSNBC’s Martin Bashir show.

Washington, DC – (SatireWorld.com)

After having opened up the borders in Arizona as it’s liberal governor, and then continuing her career as Czarina of Homeland Insecurity, Janet (Jack) Napolitano says she’s taking her distinctive white skunk striped hairdo and leaving for the hallowed halls of California to take up the reins as the lower learnings president of liberal education for all of California’s universities.

California regents announced proudly that Big Sis will be the universities’ first Transgender president shortly after the supreme court recognized onanism and DIY marriage.

Her self claimed legacy itemized on her resume included the following stellar achievements:

*the borders have never been safer

*Thanks to my nude scans not one 86 year old Amish grandmother , paraplegic war veteran, or white christian cub scout has blown up an airplane and provided hours of titillation for the bored staff.

*Homeland Security now has more stock piled ammunition than the US Army, and almost as much as the Bloods and Crips in Chicago.

* During my reign I compiled a list of subversive terrorist groups , which included the Daughters of the American Revolution, The Elks, Satire World.com, Meals on Wheels, The Dorking Eating and Drinking anti-social club, the NRA, cult followers of Billy Graham, and the entire EIB network of that subversive Rush Limbaugh.

My vigilance not only ensured the re election of my commander in chief, Barack Hussein Sorento Obama, but guaranteed at least 16 more years of democratic rule in the Clinton’s return.It also earned me honorable mention for a Nobel Peace Prize finalist along with Michael Moore, Sean Penn, Barbra Streisand, George Clooney and Alex Baldwin putting me in a select company of world patriots whom I’m proud to call “Kamrades!”

Left behind will be her $200,000 federal salary as she moves into the $600,000 seat in California specially crafted for her new designer pants suits.

Pundits are saying it’s just one more move to position herself for moving up to the Governor’s seat when they eventually come to throw a net over Jerry “Moonbeam” Brown if they can ever
get him down from his tree house.

Napolitano says she’ll be stepping down in early September and despite pleas from her faithful female staff, says her decision is final, especially in view of impending criminal investigations involving the current administration led by right wing conspirators.

Speaking about her new position leading 200,000 potentially new Democratic voters, and a large very liberal staff of
progressive professors on tenure Janet said,” well, you know the old saying…if you can’t lick ’em, join ’em!”

Reports are that she will have a small ‘coming away” party during her fall vacation in Provincetown,MA which will be hosted by former Congressman Barney Frank and his husband at the very intimate “Tongue ‘n Groove” pub in the basement of the “Kitty Kat B’n B” on the backside of town.

Theft of jewelry and electronic devices from suitcases during TSA checks in the nation’s airports continue unabated as this story went to press.



2 Responses to ““One More Anal Suppository Removed: Napolitano says she’s ‘moving on!””

  1. captain america

    Jul 13th, 2013

    Looks like she’s waiting to be kissed by the fairy prince…
    Won’t have to wait long in California!

  2. Philbert of Macadamia

    Jul 13th, 2013

    The Obama administration cabinet level enema needs to continue, not that any of Obama’s liberal ideologue policies will be changed in any manner with new people.

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