by captain america on 02/08/13 at 5:30 amNew York City, New York – (SatireWorld.com)
After racking up record sales, 13,332 on the Dzhokhar Tsarmaev cover (about 15,000 less than Abel Rodriguez having a bad week at the Spoof), the defiant staff is going ahead with it’s endorsement of A. Weiner by putting an airbrushed, romanticized, and photo ‘enhanced’ pix of his prick on the cover to coincide with Obama’s official “FU” to the American taxpayer.
Despite protestations from Hummer (sic) Weiner, “That’s not MY Anthony”, the editors said they were going ahead in the interest of good journalism by declining to show Anthony’s privates
“genital warts and all,’ and taking some ‘artistic’ liberties’ while at the same time endorsing Weiner in the NYC mayoral race over some ‘left wing-ding dyke’.
According to a member (sic) of the Obama staff (sic) who ok’s all media references to the ‘dirty dems’, she claims the picture is really in good taste.
Said Sandra Fluke, ” I love the way they blow dried his pubic hair and left it swirl seductively around his staff…it looks soft, fluffy, non threatening, and actually quite cuddly
in it’s flaccid state!”
Continued Fluke, “I lie awake at night just dreaming about getting a rise out of him and sliding one of my free pre-lubricated Obamadoms over it to keep it warm and cozy! I hope it rains tomorrow so I can see him wearing his rubber (s) during his news conference when he refuses to give up over a teeny weenie peenie picture..after all a hard man is good to find..and I should know!”
Eliot Spitz-er on the other hand (pun intended) is not so sure saying “what kind of guy spends his whole life jerking off into his Obama Phone when he could certainly afford $4,500 on his re-erection expense account! What a Putz!”
Described as a real 30 second man by his latest tattooed cyber ‘squeeze’ known as ‘a poor man’s Lewinsky’, Sydney Rottenkrantz said he would call her 5-6 times a day for a 20-30 second session of rabbit-like sex before ending his session with his standard call sign “Can you hear me coming now?”
Dr. Ruth when contacted concerning the ‘hard charging Weiner” said sadly, “14 months and counting and he still can’t get it down…this man doesn’t need a doctor, he needs his wife to slam the car door or the toilet seat on it! And by the way, a good hand surgeon for that carpal tunnel thingy!”
Efforts to reach Viagra manufacturer Pfizer were unsuccessful as company attorney’s were busy preparing a defense for Tea Party lawsuits charging the company as a ‘terrorist organization promoting ‘crimes against women.’
Meanwhile on Martha’s Vineyard (is this a reference to Lady Chatterly’s unplowed fields?)preparations (H) for the arrival of the President’s spear chucker tribe continue unabated.
Lobsters are being corralled and contained in holding pens, living kolbe beef steers are being flown in to be butchered in the halal way prior to be served up along with the Oyster’s Romney, Arugula Salad with Truffles, giant prawns over Hawaiian sea weed, and Mary-Jane Brownies for the after hours ‘choom ‘ party, a last minute addition when ‘spotted dick’ was omitted when Hillary Clinton had Obama remove A. Weiner from the invited guest list.
More when Jay-z bitch slaps Beyonce between courses over using the wrong fork.