by captain america on 04/08/13 at 5:50 pmBoston, MA – (SatireWorld.com)
Thanks to their liberal bent promoted by an editorial staff that has never been outside the hallowed halls of the vaunted “Ivy League”, the parent company finally got rid of their red ink by dumping the once vaunted paper at a fire sale.
It was announced that John Henry, principal owner of the Boston Red Sox and the UK’s Liverpool transgender Premier League soccer team would be paying ‘all cash’ in the amount of $70m…..just 7% of the $1.1M price the NYT paid a few short years ago taking a page from the Obama playbook of buy high, sell low anti-capitalist business acumen.
Satire World editor and publisher Bargis Tryhol, who submitted a bid of $1250, was not disappointed that he had lost out.
“I only wanted to buy it so I could fire the whole staff, and then use the real estate to promote my home remodeling business which is really taking off,” said Bargis as he put the finishing touches to his media room at SW HQ in Florida. Mr. Tryhol’s state of the art recent project, featuring the World’s Largest Big Screen TV (225 inches) will be featured in September’s issue of Architectural Digest and is also being considered for the Christmas Issue of Rolling Stone
John Henry was pretty closed mouthed about the purchase saying only he anticipated more soccer (football) coverage) and was counting on additional income from online subscriptions in the UK for fans of the Liverpool team. “We’re planning a U-tube blitz promoting the team and have hired former Marmite Pitchman Harold Worth to drum up some excitement amongst the yobs and chavs in Manchester. ”
Most of the Globe staff are already interviewing with Al Gore’s former TV station recently purchased by Al-Jazeera in their all out effort to promote ” towel head news 24/7″ interrupted only by calls to prayers every hour on the hour.
Forbes now ranks the value of SW at $400B mainly based on their under rated talent working solely ‘for the hell of it.”
More when the staff unionizes.