At least one terrorist plot in UK broken up when bombers cornered in pub breaking wind after Ramadan fast!
by captain america on 05/08/13 at 7:44 pmLondon (UK) – (SatireWorld.com)
Scotland Yard announced the round up of at least 12 suicide bombers celebrating the end of the fast of Ramadan after they lost track of the date and began gorging in a local chip shop.
According to DCI Inspector Morse the clueless jihadists thought they were already into the first 3 days of the next month known as Eid al Fir, or the Festival of Breaking Wind to celebrate the end of a month’s fasting.
Police inadvertently stumbled on the group after the Oasis Bar and Grill was vacated due to the pervasive odor of leaking gas. Christian patrons and the pub owner believing they were under a chemical warfare attack involving weapons of mass destruction and called upon the civilian defense force.
Arriving MET officers donned hazmat suits and gas masks after the first coppers on the site collapsed on the side walk, leading investigators to question why the burka wearing crew in the pub were just ‘carrying on as if nothing was foul in the air.’
Said Morse in filling out the after action report, “the air was toxic with the mixture of rancid camel dung, Gauloises cigarette smoke, the street sweepings of Cairo combined with the remnants of last night’s Stella induced beer farts!”
The unarmed officers were able to approach the terrorists unaware as they were gorging themselves on toasted cheese and marmite sandwiches, kippered herring and pickled pigs feet all washed down with a pint or three of stout.
The heroic officers were able to secure the would be terrorists before they were able to detonate themselves by putting their hand in their pockets and setting off sophisticated underwear bombs with pull chains attached to their scrotums.
As Morse commented in the after action report he filed, “How dumb can these rag heads be? Stand to reason if you blow off your dick with 2 pounds of C-4 and a gross of ball bearings you won’t be shagging any virgins in the near future!”
Security Advisor to President Obama, Ms Susan Rice was quick to take credit for foiling the plot.
“We had NASA change the internet calendar in order to drive the scum out into the open where our sniffer dogs could find ’em. Poetic justice, innit? They just thought their shit didn’t stink!”
PM Dave Cameron said, “this is the best news I’ve had since I found our our balance of trade is up since I vowed to export gay marriage!”
No word yet from the 72 Virgins still on standby somewhere ‘down there.’
Sally Bercow got back on her Twitter account to proclaim: ‘Stink bombs trending now? LOL”