MSNBC Announces ‘Topless Tuesdays’ In Ratings Boost Effort

by on 10/08/13 at 6:22 am

Tuesday's MSNBC topless lineup will include Kate Upton, Andrea Mitchell, Valarie Jarrett, and New Jersey's Chris Christie

Tuesday’s MSNBC topless lineup will include Kate Upton, Andrea Mitchell, Valarie Jarrett, and New Jersey’s Chris Christie

New York, NY – (

BrianWilliams without a shirt? Rachel Maddow topless? Andrea Mitchell with gravity-defying super-glued boobs? In an effort to preserve your gastro-intestinal equilibrium we’ll go easy and not post photos, but starting this Tuesday night, leading cable news loser MSNBC will have topless hosts and commentators on their live view shows starting a 8PM.

In the race to dominate cable news there are winners and losers. If you’re a newsy and happen to saddle your rising star to MSNBC, you might find stardom a bit out of reach due to network credibility problems…In other words, no one would find you as a truly believable news source!

So, what does a news network do to lift itself out of dead last in the ratings? Well, not only sell usual nightly ration of racism accusations, but throw in some steamy sex too!

Starting this Tuesday night you’ll be able to see all MSNBC commentators, guests and hosts topless! Yes, Rachael Maddox, Kate Snow, Andrea Mitchell, Al Sharpton, Chris Matthews, and maybe they’ll bring back in-house Neanderthal clown Ed Schultz as well!

During the coveted 9 PM slot, a resurrected Al Sharpton will be hosting ‘Booty News’ a half-hour show devoted entirely to fans of large asses with guest First Lady Michelle Obama who will talk about her past experiences with cheap porcelain toilets that suddenly collapsed without warning.

Getting special permission from the FTC to broadcast semi-nude people on live national television was cleared by the Obama Administration who claimed censorship of artistic expression was a violation of something or another and would issue a ruling sometime in early 2021.

In response, next to last in the cable news ratings CNN, has promised a prime time segment devoted to the day’s funniest dirty joke that will be sent in by viewers. The lucky viewer who’s joke is chosen will win a toaster.

Over at HNN, sources tell us that Robin Meade has promised to show a live segment where she’s pole dancing in stiletto heels and fish-net stockings while reading the morning’s news.

ABC’s Barbara Walters was unavailable for comment.`

7 Responses to “MSNBC Announces ‘Topless Tuesdays’ In Ratings Boost Effort”

  1. captain america

    Aug 10th, 2013

    … A. wiener says he’s ‘up for it’…..

    just watch as ‘sagging’ ratings continue…

    ‘a zero on the peter meter’ from the man with the world’s largest penis

    Bill: ‘give Andrea a cigar….’

    J-man: I’ve seen better in my personal collection!

    POM: “Tits Up” doesn’t quite say it all…5 Pinnochios for WAPO!

    Sarah Palin: I can see the implants from my couch!

    Tom Cruise: I was hoping to see Travolta!

    Travolta: Hey, Geraldo looks pretty ‘hot’ for 70!

    Barney Frank: More butts, less boobs!

    Obama: if I had a grandmother she’d looks just like Baa-waa Walters!

  2. runs with scissors

    Aug 10th, 2013

    Perky news to uplift flaccid ratings?

  3. Philbert of Macadamia

    Aug 10th, 2013

    Wow, boobs showing their boobs while interviewing boobs!

  4. captain america

    Aug 11th, 2013

    ….some feminists never should have burned their bra!

    • Bargis

      Aug 11th, 2013

      ….some feminists never should have burned their bra!
      And some should have burned it while wearing it!

  5. captain america

    Aug 11th, 2013

    ……should have ‘nipped it” in the bud….

  6. captain america

    Aug 11th, 2013

    …..hate the smell of a burning bush in the morning!

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