by captain america on 12/08/13 at 9:15 amNew York City, NY – (SatireWorld.com)
Despite drooping in the polls for Mayor of New York City, Anthony Weiner continues to stick it out as he goes door to door in Brooklyn apartment buildings, with reports confirming he’s knocked on the same door as many as six times confirming once again that brain dead democrats do vote early and often.
In recent days Weiner has been accompanied by a film crew allegedly contracted by Michael Moore, the feral oinker who’s gotten very rich by trashing the capitalistic economic system in the US while gorging on the financial benefits he’s reaped.
SW cornered Hollywood’s sweet heart over brunch at the Four Seasons where he had taken up a table for six in order to get his money’s worth out of the ‘all you can eat $150 Sunday buffet.”
With the announcement of his impending divorce from his sow of over 20 years, friends say Moore is now considered Hollywood’s most eligible bachelor, if one can overlook his eating habits which Moore claims have not led to throat cancer unlike the hapless Mike Douglas.
An outsized bib was wrapped around Moore’s obscenely thick neck and down over his girth to protect his stylish silk Yves St. Laurent mu-mu from the ravages of green lobster entrails as he sucked the meat out of the crustacean’s tiny feet with a rather loud and disgusting sound rivaling the machinations of a Dyson extreme animal vac.
“Anthony’s is a compelling story that needs to be told,’ he said wiping his jowls with a super sized monogrammed bath sheet,”I mean, you’ve got to hand it to the man, although he’s proven he’s capable of handling his own affairs, he’s just misunderstood.”
Breaking the yolks on his double order of eggs Benedict Moore continued, “I think he was a very lonely and neglected child who never got any presents nor had any friends and was therefore forced to either play with himself, or make up imaginary friends to talk to which carried over past puberty into his adult life.”
Spreading cream cheese on his oversized bagel before adding a quarter pound of Nova Scotia lox, a scoop of capers and half a Vidalia chopped onion, Moore paused as if to give extra weight to his profound character analysis.
“Because of his addiction to self abuse, which he sees as validation for his superiority, let’s face it, in Anthony’s view no one is really good enough for him, the man is now almost legally blind and forced to wear very strong contact lenses making him eligible for a host of benefits and a pass based on the American Disability Act. Even Jerk-Offs now have rights under the recent Weiner/Holder Act of 2013!”
Will Moore continue his blueprint in hiring unknown amateur actors for his latest skin-flick?
Moore paused and foraged in his teeth with a large gold engraved tooth pick before answering.
“Ya…we’ve been inundated by scores, and I mean scores, of liberated democrat chicks in the 22-28 age demographic who claim to have first hand (sic) intimate knowledge of the former congressman, and surprisingly a great number of them are Muslim proving once again Pork is the other White Meat!”
Moore did claim there would be cameo appearances from Farce-Book founder and internet zillionaire Mark Yuckerberg, credited with creating a virtual porn abuse world with his
social net working scam which entices low esteem people to bare their souls and their arse to the universe.
“Anthony is just a product of technology,” Moore claimed, “he’s really just one of us living out his fantasy of omnipresent power given to him by our supreme government; you could say as the President confided to me, “he’s the white jewish brother I could have had if my mother had gone Kosher instead of tribal!”
Moore said he expects the Dikudrama will be well under the $1m budget he’s plugged in for the spectacle. “After all, “he smirked, ” all we need is a dark one room studio in Brooklyn, a used Dell lap-top, some free appearances from aspiring women looking for a rich jewish sugar daddy, economy sized boxes of Kleenix from Costco and a case of hand lotion…can you believe it…the guy needed to shake hands with himself 6 times a day…now that’s a guy NYC deserves!”
More after the Oscars, Hollywood’s answer to the Nobel for Nothing Prize!