Throckmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”

by on 31/08/13 at 6:18 am

The most important thirteen words are ...Kate Upton really, really wants you to play 'motorboat' with her for the whole weekend

The most important 15 words are …Kate Upton really, really wants you to play ‘motorboat’ with her for the whole weekend

Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom,

I heard this sermon on Sunday at church.

The minister said that the number one, most important word was: “God.”

The two most important words are: “Jesus Christ.”

The three most important words are: “I love you.”

The four most important words are: “Thy will be done.”

Are there any other important words from five on?

Walter Janey  Austin, Texas

Dear Walter,

Of course there are!

The five most important words are: “There’s free chocolate at Albertson’s.”

The six most important words are: “I am giving you a raise.”

The seven most important words are: “The Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders are dancing naked!”

The eight most important words are: “Blue Bell Ice Cream now has zero calories.”

The nine most important words are:  “This is Publisher’s Clearing House; you just won millions!”

The ten most important words are: “President Obama announced today that he is resigning from office.”

The eleven most important words are: “Somebody needs to tell Miley Cyrus to keep her clothes on.”

The twelve most important words are: “All the Moslem suicide bombers blew themselves up in Tehran’s capital building.”

Do I need to continue?


Today’s Observation from Throckmorton P. Turdblossom:  I guess the twenty-seven most important words would be: “Honey, I don’t have a headache tonight and I’m feeling a little frisky and I slipped a Viagra pill into your drink about half an hour ago.”

2 Responses to “Throckmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column””

  1. Philbert of Macadamia

    Aug 31st, 2013

    Bravo Throckmorton!

  2. Bargis

    Aug 31st, 2013

    Yeah, that was a true classic!

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