by Jalapenoman on 15/09/13 at 2:38 pmWashington, D.C. – (SatireWorld.com)
President Barack Obama appointed two new Czars to his cabinet this week. They will actually begin serving in their positions September 23rd, but were announced now in order to get a positive political story for the President in a week where he is getting tired of getting hammered on Syria.
Serving as the Administration’s new Twerking Czar is Miley Cyrus. the youngest person to work with the president at only age 20 (twenty). According to a White House spokesman, Miley was chosen because “she is in touch with what is new and popular with the young, and the Party needs to get back in touch with the young to retain their generally uninformed vote and support. Miley has a history of doing well with Parties!”
As the President’s popularity has slipped among, well, everybody (especially those under 25: the ones who would mostly occupy the front lines and be killed if the President is able to start his war in Syria), he is attempting to bring a fresh and new perspective to his government.
The duties of Miss Cyrus will include dancing in her underwear (or naked, as in her latest “Wrecking Ball” music video) before cabinet meetings and rubbing her crotch with oversized foam fingers (or any other available fingers if no foam ones are at hand). She will also bend over and “rub her booty” against the men in attendance.
The President stated in a written message released to the press that “I am sure the addition of Miley Cyrus will add a spark and an intensity to our cabinet meetings that just isn’t there now. We expect her exuberance of youth to liven things up in the room.”
To keep up on current technology, the President is appointing Anthony Wiener to the position of “Sexting and Tweeting Czar.” His duties will include informing others of the nature of new communications developments in all forms of social media. He will also advise other Cabinet officials and Czars which types of underwear (boxers, briefs, colors, brands, etc.) are best when sending pictures of your crotch to younger or under aged women, noting which draw the most positive response and the most pleasurable results and return messages.
When asked for his feelings about his new position, Weiner flipped off reporters, giving them “the bird” the same way that he did the night earlier this month when it was announced that he received only 5% of the vote in a New York Congressional Race (and finished in a distant 5th place).
Weiner was observed sending Miley a text congratulating the young woman on her appointment. As he was locked in a restroom stall when he attached a picture to that message, no one knows for sure what was sent. It was announced, however, that the two are meeting privately in a Washington D.C. Marriot to “plan a mutual strategy” for success in their “various positions.”
Huma and Billy Ray could not be reached for comment.
Note: Obama’s Czar’s work with him at the cabinet level, advising the president and “running departments” that don’t really exist. They do this as a way for the President to avoid Congressional oversight and approval. It is also often a means of the government paying quarter million dollar a year salaries and covering expenses of politically desirable Democrats, Anarchists, Socialists, and campaign contributors.