Obama points to One Bright Spot after Health Care Exchanges Open and FREEZE! Cites ‘unprecedented” enrollment in Mexico City and only 12 beheadings!

by on 02/10/13 at 1:47 pm


Washington, DC – (SatireWorld.com)

Despite the government enlisting furloughed postal workers, White House Janitors, Obama Phone distributors, and prisoners on ‘early release’, the ObamaKare Exchanges were off to a dysfunctional start everywhere except in Mexico according an Al-Zazerra report from Rachel Maddow.

The regime interpreted the major outage as “proof “ObamaKare was loved by at least 47% of the people who realized the government takeover of the country’s health care was ‘a good thing.”

The announcement followed by one day the head of the Government Agency responsible for handing out lucrative ‘green loans’ to insiders and fundraisers for the president announcing that Solyndra was a ‘huge success!” after blowing over $500m of taxpayer backed loans.

No, you really can’t make up what is coming out of the White House these days!

With over three years to get ready to roll out the “Obamanation”, the government once again proved it wasn’t ready for Prime Time.

Call ‘workers’ at the centers were overwhelmed with complaints as callers weren’t able to log on to set up an account, wanted to know if they could just get their subsidies while skipping the enrollment portion of the bill, and where they could get their ‘free shit’ as they had just smoked their last doobie.

The barely literate exchange agents were working off a 210 page(!) booklet of what to say to callers, and a list of procedures to follow:

*Do not leave applicants IRS returns on Fax Machines

*Double check all fax numbers before sending the documents out

*Do not take lists of social security numbers home with you, share them with your homeys or sell them on the internet.

*Direct potential voters to the OFA Website while making them wait on ‘Hold”

*Before enrolling applicants with no social security number, permanent address, credit card or checking account, make them cross their heart and swear what they’ve told you is “The Truth, So Help Me, Barack.”

Even most of the call center workers were frustrated, said Jameka “Soledad” Magumbo, “this is harder shit then Obamaphone sales, how am I gonna make my quota and make my commission if the freakn’ system ain’t workin’, huh?” Jameka said she’d probably quit when her shift was over, and go back to Chicago selling phones. “I could make $300 a day signing up
folks for the free phones, some more than 15 phones in 15 minutes…all I had to do was have them put an ‘x” in the signature block, or sign it myself…now that’s what I’m talkn’ about…
real CHANGE I could believe in….STIMULUS ME sister!”

Meanwhile call centers at Visa, MasterCard and AmEx were flooded with card holders calls after their cards were frozen due to unprecedented fraudulent use at Tattoo parlors, state run casinos, wheel and tire shops, the Black Shopping Network and KFC, all within 12 minutes of the Exchanges opening.

Debbie Wasserman Schultz, D&C (sic) charwoman was ecstatic! “We’ve had a few glitches due to Tea Party efforts to hack into the exchanges, but we’re working on it. Despite the efforts of those anarchists, racists, terrorists and pedophiles, we’ve still managed to add over 200,000 new democrats to the voting roles.

Eric Holder doubled down on the enrollment efforts after announcing that he was suing NC for mandating Voter ID cards with pictures.

“NC is out of bounds on this! If you don’t need ID to get free health care, why should you need a pictures to vote? After all, what good is a picture when we all look alike, eh?”

At least 2 reporters at Satire World said they were considering moving to Canada to get health care.

Said one, “rather a slow death waiting in line then being subjected to sharia influenced Health Care here in the Emirates under Hussein!”

‘Chelsea’ Manning, contacted in ‘her’ cell, said she was ‘over the moon’ with the opening of the exchanges, “No doubt this will cut through the red tape and let me move on with my new life as a woman…and my new job as an intern at the Clinton Family Charitable Trust Foundation!”

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