Gore, HHS, EPA Double Down on Global Warming; ignore US about to be “Fukushimed!”

by on 07/01/14 at 11:16 am

San Francisco resident Eloise Walters takes her baby Ned for a stroller walk along Fisherman's Wharf on Tuesday

San Francisco resident Eloise Walters takes her baby Ned for a stroller walk along pristine California beach front on Tuesday. By Thursday afternoon, baby Ned developed a rash, the beginnings of a third eye, and scales over 3/4 of his body.

San Francisco, CA – (SatireWorld.com)

Thanks to amateur nuclear hobbyists it appears that the downplayed threat from the Japanese meltdown of it’s nuclear plant has already hit beaches in San Francisco while Obama’s cabinet officials continue to play down the findings of the potential disaster.

Radiation levels taken by a score of amateurs show radiation levels over 5x the ‘safe’ limit, or 150 Micro-Rems per hour (ED: note, whatever the F*** that means).

Physical evidence reported in the tainted Pacific detail thousands of starfish “Disintegrating”, and sightings of tagged white sharks showing ‘phenomenal growth spurts’ with some now ‘as big as an 18 wheeler’ according to tuna fisherman who were almost swamped by their wake.

State officials in Texas, Arizona and Wisconsin are quietly preparing emergency measures to close their borders in anticipation of a mass panic evacuation of California after an emergency is declared by Governor Jerry “Moonbeam” Brown.

Representatives from the three Red states likely impacted by the exodus said in a joint news conference, “California made their own bed and they’ll just have to sleep in it! We don’t need any ‘bug eyed liberals’ coming into our homeland and poisoning the rest of us!”

SW has uncovered a huge conspiracy amongst the Obama administration to keep the serious threat under wraps until the last minute. The fact that Health and Human Services has ordered delivery February 1 of 14 million doses of Potassium Iodide, used to treat humans after a serious nuclear accident,now ties in with Homeland Security ordering 14B rounds of hollow point ammunition, 100M silver crucifixes, and 200 million wooden stakes blessed by the Pope to ward off what they claim could be a horde of “Zombies’ glowing in the dark!

Even with the potential threat of a nuclear holocaust looming over the west coast since the Japanese Tsunami, Obama declared in November, that the greatest threat to the world was continued global warming. He doubled down this week in 81 degree Hawaii where he was playing golf in shorts while pointing to his sweat stained
Nike golf shirt saying, “see…I told you so!”

Back in the rest of the world, the average temperature was reported at 21 degrees Fahrenheit, a global warming investigative team and 2 rescue ice breakers were trapped in ‘more ice than ever discovered’, and Polar Bears everywhere were
laughing their ass off while devouring seals on ice flows heading for Argentina.

According to MSNBC, Michelle Obama, Valerie Jarrett and Oprah lover Gayle King partying in Hawaii seemed blissfully unaware of the unfolding crisis as they continued to frolic in the hot tub at Oprah’s ocean front mansion at taxpayer expense.

SW is also now reporting that Secretary of State John Kerry, bi passing Obama, has called on Vladimir Putin to intercede in the pending west coast scenario after Time Magazine declared Putin was the ‘new world leader’ and probably the next Nobel Prize winner for Science, Technology, Terrorism, and putting down a ‘Pussy Riot’ at a Victoria Secrets lingerie show on state TV.

A grinning Putin was overheard telling an Iranian diplomat at a Vodka laced pool party at his Dacha, “As far as I’m concerned, that Amateur can go Fukushima himself!”

When last seen California atheists, muslim sympathizers and union leaders were hastily erecting crosses in front of schools, on top of mountains, and posting the ten commandments back in public buildings.

Somewhere, God is laughing his ass off.

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