Oprah, Dr. Phil, Dr. Ruth & Ron Jeremy Rush to Hawaii During Obama Marriage Crisis!

by on 13/01/14 at 3:26 pm

Marriage made in Heaven falling apart over Helle (sic)....Michelle rants over marriage breakup!

Marriage made in Heaven falling apart over Helle (sic)….Michelle rants over marriage breakup!

Honolulu, HI – (SatireWorld.com)

Rampant rumours of the Obama ‘marriage’ under threat and in crisis by mounting media investigation has led to a team of famous counselors, psychologists and even one well endowed sex surrogate to act in an emergency Intervention!

Tension mounted between the royal couple as Barry played touchy feely with blonde, long legged Danish PM Helle Thorning-Schmidt during the Mandela funeral, with the couple involved in a ‘texting threesome” with British PM Dave ‘do nothing’ Cameron as Michelle looked on with ‘very tight jaws’, according to observers.

Commenting later on the photos that went viral, an embarrassed Jay Blarney, Barry’s apologist, was forced to explain the bulge in Barry’s pocket was not because he was happy to see Helle, but merely the fact he forgot his BlackBerry was set on ‘vibrate’.

Recounting a now familiar explanation Jay added, “Of course the President didn’t know he had set it (his personal encrypted phone) to “HUM” causing the unintended physical reaction.

Dr. Phil commenting on Carney’s remarks said, “it’s not unusual for a guy to get an erection after being cut off from sex for an extended period of time, especially when seated next to an attractive (white) woman who has her skirt hiked up to her navel in a ‘Fatal Attraction’ moment.

Said a body language expert appearing on MSNBC, “Helle is a wonder…she’s always ready for the cameras on time, even though she has two more cheeks to powder and a lot more hair to comb!”

The Brazilian ambassador to the event refused to comment when asked about the apparent slight to his country’s custom of waxing privates.

A disgruntled member of the Hawaiian staff cut down to part time employment (it’s Obamacare) at Oprah’s mansion on the Pacific, said Valerie Jarrett and Gayle King decided Sunday night that they needed to force an ‘intervention’ after Michelle ranted that she had enough on Barry to derail any plans for his future as the next head of the European Union with a residence in Brussels, and within easy commuting distance to Denmark.

“As far as I’m concerned, that Amateur can go to Helle,” Float-us was quoted as screaming to Jarrett, who looked on in horror.

Supposedly Michelle also threatened to have a ‘quickie’ with Harry Belafonte and send Barry the pictures of the event to his private e-mail address just to ‘F*** with his mind!”

Famous barracuda Hollywood divorce lawyer Gloria All-Red (NPI) also was mentioned by Michelle as she finished off her 6th Mimosa while in the hot tub.

Realizing things were getting out of hand the duo send out a 911 call to Oprah to put together a ‘mental illness rehabilitation’ team to fly out to Hawaii before ‘the S***hit the fan!”

This is now the second presidential flap in less than a week with sexual overtones. France’s Socialist President (does 75% income tax make him a socialist, hmmm?) was left with his arse exposed after being spotted being delivered on a 3-wheeled moped by his driver to a love nest where he was doing the Mambo with an actress 20 years his junior.

When questioned by a French SW stringer on why he was wearing a helmet to disguise himself, he was quoted as saying, “when one choses to live dangerously, it’s always best to have protection for your head,” before he scooted away back to the palace.

Apparently now spurned, Valerie Trierwiler, France’s ‘first mistress’ was so distraught on the news, she checked herself into rehab for stress and ‘humiliation’, also concerned that she would be left off the flight manifest as Hollonde flew to the US next month to meet with Obama, who she claimed ‘is a very dear friend with similar proclivities to my dear Francois.”

No further word from Michelle’s intimate advisors why Ron Jeremy, famous porn star with over 2000 ‘appearances’ is making the trip other than to portray a ‘stiff front’ to combat rumours of sexual dysfunction in the First Couple.

Lindsay Lohan, contacted about the Presidential conundrum was said to have had 3 demands prior to her last adult movie appearance: No Bestiality, No Anal, and NO SEX with Ron. Who Knew, eh?

More after Gloria All-Red releases her terms for divorce.



2 Responses to “Oprah, Dr. Phil, Dr. Ruth & Ron Jeremy Rush to Hawaii During Obama Marriage Crisis!”

  1. Philbert of Macadamia

    Jan 13th, 2014

    Jay Blarney added; perhaps he was tired of Black Forest Cake and was looking for some Danish Puff Pastry?

  2. captain america

    Jan 14th, 2014

    …after meeting Cameron maybe she wants some “spotted dick”

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