Christie proposes new traffic study at Meadowlands ‘if CNN doesn’t get off my Arse!”

by on 22/01/14 at 6:36 pm

Gov. Chris Christie says he's not eating hotdogs this year, but will have 8 or 9 double cheese pizzas instead

Gov. Chris Christie says he’s not eating hotdogs this year, but will have 8 or 9 double cheese pizzas instead

Trenton, NJ – (

Besieged NJ Governor Chris Crispy (sic) said he’s had enough piling on from CNN, CNBC and the NJ Democratic legislature and vowed, “time for a traffic study Feb 2 on Exit 16 of the NJ Turnpike!”

Exit 16 just happens to be the route to the Meadowlands sports compound and the site of the Super Bowl Feb 2 at the outdoor Met Life Stadium.

The former clandestine dumping ground for the mafia families from NJ and NY, the Meadow Lands complex features a bronze plaque in memory of Teamster official Jimmy Hoffa, allegedly buried inside a crushed Italian Fiat along with a pile of fish and chip wrappers somewhere on the grounds.

With sky boxes reportedly going for in excess of a million dollars, and valet parking costing $500 not including tip, the economic impact from Christie’s threats could exceed that of Hurricane Sandy, an event hosted by Christie that launched Obama’s successful re election bid after Barry gave him a lap dance on the remains of the Asbury Park boardwalk.

No word yet on the weather forecast for the game, but today traffic was at a standstill as a blizzard blanketed the North East, NYC DeBlasio wrought payback on affluent New Yorkers by redistributing snow from poorer areas of the city to their neighborhoods in a case conservatives are calling ‘reverse discrimination’ and what Bertha Lewis, a spokesman for the mayor called ‘Affirmative Action.”

Met Life, known for it’s famous blimp coverage of sporting events, said in tribute to the Global Warming followers of Al Gore, they are launching a new air ship in the likeness of their leader and trying out methane gas to keep it afloat during their TV coverage.

“The only danger I see,” said Chris Matthews, “is if it springs a leak and Al stinks the joint out.”

Tipper Gore, estranged wife of Big Al, wasn’t available for comment, as she is still recovering from an ‘accidental poison gas attack’ when her husband farted while choking on a Big Whopper in bed.

The Seattle Sea Hawks and the Denver Broncos will be meeting for the right to win the coveted Super Bowl Trophy, but both teams have reservations about being in an open stadium in NJ in January.

Said Seattle Cornerback Richard Sherman, “hey…there ain’t no damn Cannabis outlets within a mile of the place…wot’s up with dat, eh?”

The entire Denver team concurred with Sherman, the first occurrence an opponent has been in complete agreement with the talented, but controversial pro bowler.

President Obama and wife Michelle will reportedly watch the game ‘from home’ after it was revealed he wanted to provide a heated box for his wife as a ‘belated birthday gift from the taxpayers’ raised an uproar.

Said Michelle, “after that selfie with that Helle bitch, he’ll remain out in the cold; there be no mo warm box for him!”

2 Responses to “Christie proposes new traffic study at Meadowlands ‘if CNN doesn’t get off my Arse!””

  1. Philbert of Macadamia

    Jan 23rd, 2014

    The first lady may sense that the president taking a “selfie” is the equivalent of Zeroxing one’s own butt, thus making an arse of oneself!

  2. captain america

    Jan 24th, 2014

    …just wait till Putin releases Snowden’s scandal from Obama’s
    blackberry….Weiner will be look like Pee Wee Herman in comparison..
    remember those locker room rumours with Reggie “the man I Love?”

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