Pelosi to Last California Republicans: ‘We’re gonna Fluke you good!”

by on 05/02/14 at 5:50 am

Californians get screwed so often they need someone like Fluke to help with free birth control!

Californians get screwed so often they need someone like Fluke to help with free birth control!


San Francisco, CA – (satireworld.com)

Doubling down on their one party rule in liberal California, the DNC announced today that unemployed professional student, Sandra Fluke, 32, came out of her parent’s den and announced it would be ‘2 more years of darkness and despair’ while announcing she was running for Congress!

The announcement confirms SW’s early Exclusive: California Dems go for the Fluklear Option after Nostrildamus Steps Down!

After being unwillingly removed from her parent’s health care plan 6 years ago, and finally out of their basement living accommodations, Sandra allegedly decided it was a time for a life style change and to join working millennial…by seeking government employment!

The opportunity arose after 40 year seat warmer Henry “Nostrildamas’ Waxman, decided any chance he had to resume a leader ship role in Congress would be dead after the 2014 midterms was ‘toast.”

As Henry said during his retirement speech, the sad event that caused his nose to run copiously over his prepared notes, “if it’s one thing I learned after helping to run my state and the country into the ground, it’s ‘size does matter’ while wiping the snot off his chin.

To replace him, despite a plethora of numb nuts breathing in short pants and salivating for the no show job, it appears that Dem fund raisers are going to rally behind Fluke thanks to her 15 minutes of fame where she make a name for herself claiming due to her avid sexual proclivities, she couldn’t keep up with the cost of condoms while attending George Town University and wanted the government to pay for them.

It was such a riveting and heart rending story that even Barry Obama reached out to her and apologized for ridicule she received from conservatives, and was even asked to speak at a congressional hearing.

In fact, she received more sympathy from Obama than the kin of the murdered Benghazi
diplomats and security team left to fend for themselves in a policy scandal that Obama and Hillary Clinton recalled was ‘just a few body bags in the road.”

Fluke said she had weighed her options before committing to the run turning down an opportunity to be an Obama Navigator in Mexico City, a councilor for Planned Parenthood in Houston, a coroner’s assistant in Chicago and as a political strategist for Wendy Davis, the bleached blonde confused bi-polar candidate for Governor of Texas.

Sandra, speaking at her press conference, said they wasn’t quite up to speed on the issues of the day, but did think God should supply more water to California, Governor Brown should raise taxes in order to expedite the high speed train to Tijuana, and that border fences should be removed to allow ‘free range chickens to cross the road into Texas and Arizona.”

Taking a page from the Kardashians, Sandra said that one of the first things she’d do to reach out to her constituents in West LA was to hold a ‘sit down’ with the Bloods and the Crips and test Kim’s theory that ‘once you try black, you never go back!”

Said Bruce Jenner, soon to be ‘Bridgette’ Jenner, “I think it would be great if Sandra got up front and personal with a bunch of ‘gang bangers’ to see if Obamacare will really handle her woman’s reproductive needs!”

Chaz Bono announced he was ‘behind her all the way…she’s really HOT in a kinky kinda of way!”



2 Responses to “Pelosi to Last California Republicans: ‘We’re gonna Fluke you good!””

  1. Philbert of Macadamia

    Feb 5th, 2014

    Pelosi recognizes that a fluke is another bottom feeder.

    Pelosi claims that President GW Bush got more respect than President Obama gets. What planet was she living on during the Bush years?

  2. captain america

    Feb 6th, 2014

    ….Uranus!

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