by captain america on 26/02/14 at 9:53 am
Kabul, Afghanistan – (satireworld.com)
The Obama White House said final withdrawal plans are almost complete for Barry to withdraw all troops in Afghanistan by Halloween 2014 after intensive negotiations between Hamid Karzai and US shadow ambassador Valerie Jarrett.
While most of the touchy points have been resolved, Jarrett is said to be frustrated with
Karzai who continues to demand a golden parachute afraid that 15 minutes after the last US soldier leaves the country his head and famous hat will be the centerpiece of a Taliban Utube video .
Karzai’s Afghan Mafia has received billions in cash siphoned off from truck loads of cash flown in by the CIA donated by the US Teacher’s Union, Government Employees Union, the DNC and Obama’s personal 501C tax exempt PAC, OFO (organizing for Obama) and the US taxpayer.
The quid pro quo was tons of opium by-products streaming back into the US as part of the drugs for cash deal controlled by Hamid’s brother, Ahmed Wali Karzai, who rules the country’s poppy growing center in Helmund Province.
Intelligence reports indicate that Ahmed is ‘off limits’ and on the CIA payroll for
‘facilitating’ CIA black operations against Ahmed’s competition enabling him to be the largest opium supplier in the world!
Ahmed also controls all the bridges from Helmund and Kandahar where he has erected toll booths to collect massive tribute from the Taliban drug suppliers while employing his cousins as toll takers making even more than political relatives of Boston politicians on the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority.
CIA operations closely resemble their Golden Triangle program in Viet Nam where the agencies ‘Air America’ was involved in moving heroin for corrupt Vietnamese Generals and politicians while taking a ‘taste off the top’ for high ranking American officials, independent ‘contract’ pilots and ‘baggage handlers.”
It also closely follows DEA operations in Mexico instituted by Eric Holder to form an alliance with recently arrested Joaquin Guzman Loera, ‘El Chapo’, to concentrate on the removal of all his competition in order for him to become Mexico’s Billionaire Cartel leader.
With Obama’s financial, military and congressional support, Hamid and Ahmed increased their strangle hold on the economic day to day activities in the Stone Age country rife with tribal differences and barbaric cultural practices in the name of religion and the pursuit of untold riches.
Hamid Karzai controlled the flow of cement used by his construction and ‘redevelopment’ firm, was the soul franchisee for Toyota SUV’s and 4 wheel drive pick ups , the latter the favorite mobile
gun platform for towel head ‘Rat Patrols’ savaging the desolate country side, and an explosion of fast food ‘take aways’ run by his expansive family members, stretching from Kabul to Cicero, IL , Gary,IN, Boston, MA, and Detroit,MI.
Under the dynamic duo of Karzai/Obama, poppy production exploded over 300% thanks to US military directives issued by Hillary’s state department to protect the fields, arrange transportation, and facilitate for the laundering of funds through several US banks ‘too big to fail.”
Most of the officials’ Karzai relatives, ‘profits’ were trucked to Dubai in US Military convoys protected by Helicopter gun ships under a UN Charter advanced by Susan Rice, authorizing the funds be used for ‘Climate Control’ , the War Against Inequity, Rape Counseling for Indian women, home schooling for Muslim women locked in their huts, and Planned Parenthood clinis featuring posters of Wendy Davis and Sandra Fluke.
The GAO, Government Accounting Office (oxymoron) said that due to security requirements 15% off the top of the purloined funds went for protection pay offs to the Taliban to insure that Karzai’s cabinet officers, relatives, entrepreneurs, car salesmen, construction supervisors, and fast food franchises would not be bombed, kidnapped, raped or beheaded.
NATO forces on the other hand were considered ‘a blight on the land and the word of God” and an open season was declared including a bounty paid on each of the ‘infidels’ killed or maimed.
Since Obama was elected, US military deaths have soared with 1500 killed and thousands wounded and maimed, compared to 575 under President George Bush, who unlike Obama never claimed he locked himself in a car and ‘choomed’ his brains out.
Word is that Valerie has reached out to a preferred Chicago realtor to research acceptable relocation homes anywhere in the US and also vacant land for Karzai’s Presidential Library with a dead line of April 2014 when his term is up prior to new elections.
Hamid is supposedly asking for a Tesla franchise, additional stock in the company, and a full sprinkler system in the garage of his eventual new home.
There is also the issue regarding amnesty ‘green cards’ for the thousands of minimum wage employees he intends to import to stock his expansion plan for over 500 new fast food emporiums doubling as Recreational Marijuana facilities in the Blue States controlled by the Congressional Black Caucus after Obama declared smoking a joint was no worse that chugging Red Bull energy drinks.
No confirmation if the new enterprises will be named “Ahmed-O’Bomba’s Choom Rooms”
And this just in: Due to looming cuts in the US military mandated by Secretary of Defense (sic) Chuck Fagan (sic) 34,000 US military currently in country will be ‘separated in place’ and expected to find their own way home after surrendering their weapons.
Hagel is expected to receive a challenge for the Nobel Peace Prize from Secretary of State John Kerry especially after he stabs Hillary in the back and receives the Democratic nomination for President in 2016 after disarming Israel, funding Hamas, and canceling the Keystone Pipe Line.
It appears that the administration is about to grant Karzai LLC full ‘safe and hold harmless’ guarantees, along with all his demands, a capitulation which had Karzai ‘over the couch’ with glee.
When reached by SW and told of his ‘win win’ and asked when he expected to take his money and run, Hamid said ‘I’ve been packed for years, I’ll jist get me hat and I’m off!”