by E. Williams on 02/06/14 at 7:16 pm
Washington, D.C. – (satireworld.com)
Most people consider the Boston Red Sox trade of future baseball god Babe Ruth for a cash loan to finance the No, No, Nanette musical to be the worst trade of all time. But No, No, Nanette, we have a new winner.
Over the weekend, President Obama approved the trade of a captured war deserter who may have become radicalized by our enemy in exchange for five known, high-ranking terrorists so they can get back on the battlefield again.
The trade was all the more puzzling because the American captive who was released is not even a very good ballplayer. He is reportedly slow on the base paths, has a penchant for getting picked off, and has trouble hitting a curve ball.
On the flipside, Khairullah Khairkhwa, one of the released members of the Taliban’s “Gitmo 5” team, is hitting .410 for the season and leads the Guantanamo League in home runs with 17 so far this season.
Abdul Haq Wasiq, a relief terrorist for the Taliban’s team,throws a wicked grenade and can hit a pop-fly to the outfield, pick up an RPG, and blow an outfielder to smithereens before he even has a chance to catch the ball.
The trade just doesn’t seem to make sense and, even looking back in history, this one seems to be in a league of its own for being so completely boneheaded.
When Kobe Bryant was traded to the Los Angeles Lakers for Vlade Divac, the experts shook their heads. The Long Island Nets ruined their franchise when they traded Dr. J to Philadelphia and put the ‘76er’s on the basketball map.
Prior to the twentieth century, one of the worst trades of all time was considered to be Old Man Jackson, a miner from Oregon, who traded 15 beaver pelts for a new wife back in 1848.
However, the woman turned out to be an icy bitch who nagged Jackson to an early grave but not before he spent many cold nights wishing he had those beaver pelts back.
History will determine just how much damage Obama has done with his trade but many Americans can only hope members of the “Gitmo 5” will someday be on the receiving end of a drone strike with the ass end of a goat being the last thing they see.