by Philbert of Macadamia on 09/06/14 at 5:42 pm
Pizmo Beach Pennsyltucky – (satireworld.com)
An emergency meeting of the Pizmo Beach Town Council was called by the Council President Philbert to discuss complaints about the impact of Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) regulations on the lives of local residents.
The meeting immediately addressed new urgent business.
Elmer Borden (no relation) testified that EPA agents had arrested three of his cows for burping and breaking wind containing too much Methane gas, not in compliance with the Clean Air Act. Elmer said that he only has four cows and losing three would put a serious dent in his organic “Yogurt for Yuppies” business!
The EPA agents indicated Elmer must pay a $200 per day fine per cow or install Methane gas suppressors in his barn and never let his cows roam free, which makes no sense. Elmer has been hauling cow manure in his pickup truck every day to a recycling station in order to be in compliance with the Clean Water Act. Elsie Borden, Elmer’s wife, has been “having a cow” over these daily trips.
Bert and Harry Koch (no relation), Pizmo Beach’s local bankers spoke about their concern over the Obama-Pelosi-Reid foul odor that blows in every day from Washington DC and asked what the EPA is going to do about it?
At this point Henrietta Wacko (a new resident hailing from Maryland) said that we all must be mindful of the EPA’s Clean Air and Clean Water Act to be good non-polluting citizens. She cited Tyson Perdue’s (no relation) “Chicken and Egg” farm as a pollution source for chicken manure that should be taxed at 5 cents per chicken to clean it up. Henrietta indicated she was a member in good standing of the Concerned about Chicken Crap People (CCCP).
Tyson Perdue said he would gladly pay the $5.00 tax for his 100 chickens if the EPA would just leave him alone. My chicken farm is not like those in Maryland or Delaware that house hundreds of thousands of chickens.
Tyson Perdue’s daughter Michelle (no relation), a veterinarian and animal biologist, rose to say she has developed an animal feed for both chickens and cows that eliminates waste products; no Methane gas, Nitrogen or Phosphorous; and it only produces Carbon Dioxide (CO2) and water. Michelle was in negotiations with all the US animal feed companies, as the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) had approved her formula for the new animal feed.
Everyone at the meeting realized Henrietta was a rabid environmentalist when she rose with a bright red face to proclaim Pizmo Beach would need to control the CO2 emissions because of man-made climate change; the new feed must be labeled as a genetically modified organism (GMO); and a “Rain Tax” like Maryland’s was needed to keep excess water from running dog poop into beautiful Lake Pizmo (100 miles away).
Then Henrietta added that Pizmo beach’s coal fired electricity generating plant would have to close or utilize “Carbon Capture Technology” in accordance with new EPA CO2 emission regulations. She said she was also a member of the Non-Rational Dumb Complainers (NRDC), an environmental group.
Alva Edison (no relation), Pizmo Beach’s Town Engineer rose to state that she supervised the 1600 megawatt nuclear reactor fired power plant that emitted no CO2 and provided electric power for the entire county.
That’s when Henrietta fainted, although her stupor didn’t appear life threatening!
Elmer grabbed Henrietta Wacko and put her in the back of his cow manure hauling pickup truck, tossing her bicycle in also, and headed for the nearest town with a doctor 50 miles away to get her checked out. It seems ObamaCare had forced the last doctor residing in Pizmo Beach to retire!