by captain america on 10/06/14 at 8:37 am
Ottawa,Canada – (satireworld.com)
The Canadian government said it was in crisis mode after the Obama regime, led by Eric Holder, moved to solve the VA scandal by dumping over 57,000 veterans awaiting medical evaluation in Canada.
Said Holder, “if they thought 15 months was a long waiting time, wait till these potential ‘terrorists’ get a taste of National Health Care!”
“We don’t have enough food, bedding, doctors, adult diapers, walkers, or artificial limbs to cope with this tsunami of illegal aliens pushed over our border by Obama,’ said Health Minister Jacques Faux-Pau, ‘for God sakes, we only have one proctologist, and he’s somewhere in Barbados snorkeling!”
Meanwhile Obama called a special press conference to take a victory lap claiming, ” I saw the problem and acted decisively to solve it…I am happy to announce ‘NO MORE WAITING TIMES AT THE VA HOSPITALS” which he added would help speed up health care for the over 220,000 teenage asylum seekers pouring though the porous Texas border straining legal, medical, and law enforcement administrations.
Border agents, threatened with terminations after they released pictures of thousands of youthful offenders sleeping on newspapers in ware houses, said, “we’ve got a major problem! There’s tens of hundreds of MS-13 kids from El Salvador over here demanding that the government provide Tattoo Artists to decorate their bodies before they’re released into the South Los Angeles barrios where they claim they have jobs waiting for them.
Ditto for the Mexican Mafia, with both threatening to sue for ‘restraint of trade’ and violations of their ‘uman rights!”
Obama has instructed AG Holder to hire over 1,000 law students from the University of Chicago, Harvard, Berkley, and NYU to represent the indigent claims of persecutions and put Class Action slut John Edwards in charge of coordinating the claims in hopes of an early settlement and big pay day thanks to plea bargaining aided by yet another Executive Order.
Obama also enlisted Kerry Kennedy, recently outed for her part in the Chevron Scam, to introduce her successful ‘AMBIEN DEFENSE’ stating that the border crossings were ‘inadvertent after taking the sleeping pill instead of an aspirin and waking up on the other side of the border!”
Said Democratic front runner Hillary Clinton, “these kids are no different than me, they crossed over broke and homeless, just like me and Bill when we left the White House…give ’em a few years here and they’ll earn the right to have 8 homes, lots of bling and a few cars and gold plated pistols….it’s the American Horatio Sanchez story all over again!”
Meanwhile back in Qatar the government hosted a ‘welcome home’ parade and rally at the soccer stadium for the 5 terrorist masterminds Obama released from their ‘no trade contracts’ who were feted by non other than Jane Fonda, Sean Penn, Michael Moore, and Harry Belafonte before a massive all you can eat buffet where all sung happily as they dug into lobster, kobe beef, shrimp cocktails and key lime pie after enthusiastically singing : ‘Yes, we have no f*****g bananas today!”
Back in Texas Wendy Davis hit the campaign trail again saying, “See, I told you planned parenthood would be a ‘life saver’ for Texans!”
Somewhere the Chupacabras are howling!