by captain america on 12/06/14 at 12:35 pm
US Embassy,Baghdad – (satireworld.com)
Frantic calls from the US embassy in Bagdad last night resulted in a Deja Vu moment all over as it appears the President is ‘missing in action AGAIN!
An insider reports that the emergency call from the Embassy by a beleaguered staffer under fire by small arms and well placed mortar rounds found himself talking to a disgruntled First Lady who informed him, “The president was called to prayers doesn’t sleep here anymore! Have you tried tracking him down through his “Muslim Mingle dating account under ‘Whip Lash?”
The Secret Service remained mum on the issue saying ‘no telling who he might of ‘gone off’ with, the President has been in the habit of just going on ‘walk about’, most of the time in a hunt for some ‘red meat’ and fries…he’s just the shadow of the man he was when he was elected, and now it seems it’s all about satisfying his inner cravings!”
A young intern commented “the President has been out of sorts lately after reading the tell all Jackie Kennedy book, “Cum-a-lot:the life beyond her wildest dreams” ” detailing the history of multiple infidelities, incest, and ‘brotherly love’ (ed note: she did all 3 of them)
Hillary’s erection chronicles “Hard Knocks”, and the 6th , but unauthorized, biography of his social life at Harvard “Sleeping with the Enemy…my virtual lover is ME!”
Within 20 minutes Susan Rice appeared on ‘late night with Howard Stern’ to claim the ‘situation in Iraq is under control, according to the State Department, who should know and never lies!’ Rice claims the minor spontaneous unrest was caused by an ‘incendiary u-tube video where Secretary of State John Kerry claimed Sunnis were “full of Shiite not to mention Baloney” as he sailed aboard his $7m yacht “Ketch-Up 2 Me” named after his famous flight to avoid excise taxes on the yacht from his home state Massachusetts.
An aide to the Secretary said ‘he was under diplomatic immunity and not responsible for anything he said, especially since he hadn’t met with the President since he was confirmed as a congenital ‘horse-faced liar’ by a jury of his peers in the Senate.
Later in the morning Harry Reid took the podium and blamed the Koch Brothers for inflaming the advancing hordes that had left their Toyota trucks and mountain bikes for abandoned Abrams tanks, armored Hum-Vees, and motorized 155mm howitzers as they moved toward Bagdad after taking the vacated check points and cities in the rest of the country saying “it’s all about the oil!”
Iraq officials, after the 900,000 man army fled from 1200 hooded ‘hopped up rag heads” are now begging Vladimir Putin to intervene and cement his position as the next Nobel Peace Prize winner promoted by Obama’s complete befuddlement over Syria, Egypt, Malaysia’s flight 370, 300 abducted Nigerian school girls, and thousands of illegal aliens marching unopposed through our Southwester borders wearing Obama T-shirts and waving flags with images of John McCain, John Boner (sic) and the AARP logo.
Joe Biden says we need ‘a steady stream of immigrants to improve our economy’ while neglecting to mention the 92 million currently unemployed Americans, not counting those incarcerated soon to be released on reduced penalties for drug crimes and reclaiming their jobs in corner pharmacies.
The Congressional Black Caucus has called on Obama to arm the 60% of unemployed inner city youth ‘in order to defend themselves agains racism and the repeal of affirmative action as they are losing their small businesses due to the rampant invasion of their turf by ‘lawless’ illegal aliens from El Salvador.”
Elizabeth Warren, on the warpath yet again, introduced a Senate Measure to forgive tuition costs and federal loans for inner city kids struggling to pass their GED’s, mainly because they can’t read at the age of 19 and can’t put 2 and 2 together despite Common Corpse (sic).
On another poignant note, after reading about Michelle’s efforts to force feed kids in school, Robert Mugabe announced he is starting a program of ‘Care Packages’ for starving kids in America.”It’s the least I could do after all these years of humanitarian aid that has done so much to transform my country and keep me in power!”
Said Chris Matthews after hearing about the civil war in Iraq, ” I hope the dumb bastard wakes up soon and watches CNN so he can find out what’s going on with the search for flight 370…not that it makes any difference NOW!”
Speaker of the House, the well tanned John Boner (sic) said he ‘felt’ for the ten’s of thousands illegal youths now being housed in warehouses through out the Southwest.” Most of them could grow up to look JUST LIKE ME!”
Taco Bell announced they are dropping wheat flour tortillas for Corn flour in an attempt to meet increasing demands by ‘tourists.”