‘E” (for EVIL) Willams, newly acclaimed SW writer, said today he turned down an $8M advance from Hustler Magazine to serialize his ‘Sex Diaries!”
by captain america on 15/06/14 at 5:55 am
‘Evil’ cited the experiences SW Editor Bargis Tryhol underwent when he was universally acknowledged as ‘the man with the world’s largest penis’ causing envy, resentment, and shunning in the UK resulting in his ultimate banning from an under endowed editor of a humour site there.
“No mate,” Evil said while being interviewed at a clothing optional. pool party somewhere in Texas, “I just can’t be arsed and stalked by a bunch of dinky dorks!”
Williams said he has been harassed by Harold Worth, and unaccredited UK journalist for months to sit down and tell some of his famous stories about ‘having it on’ with some of the worlds most unappealing liberal hotties.
“Listen,” said Evil, ” I could tell a few to shock the world, I could, but I’m a gentleman and would never betray intimate details of my success with those women, Chelsea Clinton, Tipper Gore, Sally Bercow, Jane Fonda, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, Susan Sarandon or Barbra Streisand…after all, I screwed them mostly for REVENGE…I hardly found any pleasure innit, eh?”
Said Philbert of Maryland, “I admire Evil’s fortitude in the face of that adversity, but I couldn’t do it myself unless I was in the 10th day of an erection caused by my medication…but you gotta hand it to the guy…I voted for him for the Nobel Piece (sic) prize….hopefully he won’t receive it posthumously!”
Evil, despite his many dare devil ‘jumps’ in the past, said he almost ‘jumped’ Hillary once in his youth.”almost killed meslelf…that was one gap just a bit to wide,” before excusing himself saying ‘I’m off to have a bit of a go with Wendy Davis over in Austin…says she’d “kill ” to have a bit of a shag with me…I’ll just grab me penis pump and I’ll be off…can’t wait to leave her ‘gobsmacked!”
Somewhere amongst the tumbleweeds in Texas the plaintive cry echoes….”Evil…Evil…come back Evil…We need you Evil…” as he sheaths his S&W magnum with the 8″ barrel and rides on into the sunset with a smile on his face thinking of California and the evil conjoined twins Pelosi & Boxter thinking “I’ll bet they’ll love it when they find out I’ve carrying more than 7 shots in my semi-automatic assault weapon!”
J-Man was unavailable to comment as we was inundated by requests for conjugal visits by a horde of 32 year old married middle school teachers after he had identified him self on multiple dating sites as a 15 year old Junior high school weight lifter with a 10 inch penis. The picture he used on the sites look a lot like a 15 year old Bargis Tyrol holding court on the beach at the Jersey Shore where he is still ‘bigger’ than Bruce Springsteen.
Evil Williams: The Legend Continues!