Martha’s Vineyard Residents: Obama is a bigger threat to us than Global Warming!

by on 18/06/14 at 6:31 am

Lat year a woman who looked alot like Sarah Palin surprised the President as he crouched down to examine a sea shell.

Last year a woman who looked alot like Sarah Palin surprised the President as he crouched down to examine a sea shell on one of Martha’s Vineyard’s secluded beaches.

Martha’s Vineyard, MA – (

After a long cold winter caused by Al Gore’s hoax ‘global cooling’, suffering residents on Martha’s Vineyard
where left shocked , dazed, confused and generally ‘pissed’ when Barack declared he and the FAMILY would be extending their annual island vacation by one week this year!

“We can survive harsh weather and that flatulent gas bag Gore,” said T-shirt salesman Rashad Ghandi,” but Obama’s visits are killing us,” holding up one of 6,000 left over shirts from 2013 proclaiming :I vacationed with Obama on Martha’s Vineyard!

Along with the threatening job killing news came new protocols in line with Hussein’s agenda guaranteed to put more of a strain on the local economy which depends on summer tourists for their income.

“People are here,” said Wiggy McDermott a local guide and fisherman, “but they can’t get through traffic, let alone get into a restaurant with the administration tag alongs taking up all the seats! Valerie calls 6 restaurants for reservations at 7pm…then waits for Michelle to make up her mind and they all show up at one of them leaving the rest empty with a bunch of spoiled clams, oysters, sword fish, wilting arugula and $150 a pound Kobe beef flown in for the President.

And the escargot…I think they release them in a Mashpee garden to feast on the newly planted Hostas just to piss off Captain America.”

The famous farmer’s market, a favorite of residents and tourists alike has now been given notice what products can not be offered for sale during the imperial stay during August.

Number one on the list is watermelon and ditto for the annual watermelon festival along with the honorary Miss Watermelon title. Apparently Mrs. Obama didn’t think it was a racist last year until Malia wasn’t even considered to be a ‘lil water melon in waiting’ at the crowning ceremonies.

Sweet potatoes, collards, peas are out, but Michelle says Barry has found a new liking for Brussels Sprouts and the couple may even stop in Brussels to survey real estate for sale to test the political climate and the possibility of “replacing Tony Blair as the Middle East Peace envoy!”

Insiders are talking about the conception that the President will coast for 2 1/2 MORE years until he ‘retires’ saying with his intellect ‘he’s just bored with the mundane day to day activities of the office.”

Led by Michelle, word is they’re searching for several ‘retirement homes’, but despite rumours several locations have been ruled out by Michelle according to Susan Rice (who just may be lying).

North Carolina: TOO Black
Chicago, IL: TOO Dangerous
Martha’s Vineyard: TOO small
NYC: TOO Jewish
Texas: TOO many bushes (sic) to spoil the view
Vermont: TOO New York, New Jersey, & Rhode Island
London: TWO Queens would be one TOO many
France: TOO European… except for Francois Hollande they’d refuse to kiss her TWO other cheeks
Spain: TOO many bull (shitters) for Barry to compete with
Hawaii: TOO Gay, TOO much dope, TOO White,TOO much unhealthy spam

Luckily one location is still in the running:

Zurich: I love it when I can just walk downstairs to Credit Suisse!

As for the fed up islanders, Grey Hound in Boston says they’re adding 100 one way trips to Tybee Island during August with ticket holders saying “despite what I’ve read, it can’t be any worse than those Mass-Holes queuing to see Obama surfing in the sound and peeing on the oyster beds!”

According to a biologist at the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution “we’ve been tracking a covey of white sharks for the past few years…unfortunately so far they seem to only have a proclivity for Chicken of the Sea white meat.”

This just in from the MV restaurant association: Yes, we’ll have no Sushi available in August!

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