Harold Worth Reporting From the World Cup: “Team From Djibouti Arrives, Unaware They Weren’t Invited”
by Harold Worth on 19/06/14 at 6:14 am
(Brazil) – (satireworld.com)
As part of Satireworld’s desire to be international and cover news all around the globe, I am currently working in Brazil to cover the World Cup. This is, other than the Olympics, the most viewed sports tournament on Planet Earth! Instead of giving you “blow by blow” actions of the games and in the locker rooms and hotels with the players, I will be covering the human interest stories from the fans, the players, and the citizens and residents of Brazil.
The team from the African nation of Djibouti arrived at the Rio de Janeiro airport this morning, unaware that they were not invited to play in this year’s World Cup (they didn’t qualify). Both the men’s and women’s teams were on plane, even though the Women’s World Cup is not being played this year (that tournament will take place in 2015 in Canada). The team apparently thought that the World Cup was like the Olympics, where all nations are invited to compete. They didn’t know that it was limited to countries that qualified based on regional tournaments.
It was then discovered that the team had no money for a return flight, no hotel reservations in a region where booking a hotel room is currently impossible, and no clothing other than the ones on their backs, a plea went out to football teams from other nations for help.
When told that a team of African men had arrived in the country and were in distress, Dickie Lumberjack of the English team stepped forward. After inquiring if the Djibouti players were really black, and if they were athletic, if they swung the same way as most Man U players, and if they fit the stereotype of black men, Dickie was quick to volunteer that “they can all come and bunk with us.”
The women, of course, had no trouble finding lodgings with a local rancher in a sheep barn (considering that they are all Moslem women and are used to being treated as farm animals). The American team offered to take them in as long as “only the ugly ones keep wearing their burkhas and the rest don’t mind hanging out at the hotel pool and going with us to the topless beaches.”
Thanks to the Americans and the Brits, the men and women from Djibouti now have places to sleep!
Harold Worth, Live from South America