“Anal Seepage” Voted Least Favorite Thing To Discover In A Chair

by on 21/06/14 at 7:00 pm

Even if Nancy was naked?

Even if Nancy was naked?

Las Cruces, NM – (satireworld.com)

In a poll conducted by The Harvard Institute of Silly Surveys That Waste Government Money But Provide Work For Tenured Professors, Lazy Students and ACORN Workers, Anal Seepage was voted “The Least Favorite Thing To Find In A Chair.”

The study found that 95% of all people would not want to sit in a chair containing the anal seepage of another person. (The other five percent responded with either “No Habla Ingles” or “what‘s anal seepage mean?”). This same 95% was also unwilling to use that same chair if it contained their own anal seepage.

The survey also found that 92% of people were unwilling to sit in a chair if it contained Nancy Pelosi. About half of these respondents said that this was because it was rude to sit in a chair occupied by another person, while the rest said “come on, it’s Nancy Pelosi!” All but two of the male respondents, however, said that they wouldn’t sit in that chair with Nancy “even if she was nekkid with a bag over her head.” The two “men” who would sit with Nancy gave their names as Rosie O’Donnell and Ellen Degeneres.

The third least favorite thing to find in a chair differed based on age and marital status. For married adults, it was “my mother in law.” For children, it was “that drunk Santa from the mall who’s always trying to touch me.” Teenagers, both male and female, said that their third least favorite thing to find in a chair was “a positive pregnancy test.”

The number four least favorite thing to find in a chair, for adults, was “a stack of bills.” Adults also said that number five, for them, was “the idiot boyfriend/girlfriend that my son/daughter is currently dating.”

For teenagers, numbers four and five were, respectively, “that ugly fat guy/girl who smells funny and is stalking me” and homework.

Children said that the next two items on their list of least favorite things to find in a chair were, in order, “mean babysitters” and the vegetables that they didn’t eat for dinner (generally spinach and broccoli).

The double blind study from the Harvard group was funded by the Obama Stimulus Package (a.k.a. The American Reinvestment and Recovery Act) and cost the American Taxpayers three hundred and fourteen million dollars.

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