Congressional Black Caucus Raises Rates to buy votes citing overhead and cost of ObamaCare!

by on 27/06/14 at 3:50 pm

Chicago's Keshanka White received an extra $25.00 for wearing a hoodie and voting twice.

Chicago’s Keshanka White received an extra $25.00 for wearing a hoodie and voting twice.

Washington, DC – (satireworld.com)

After years claiming ‘we sold out cheap’, the Congressional Black Caucus announced today that they were raising the going rates to buy the votes of African- Americans in the upcoming mid term elections to a ‘living wage’ of $25…..’two fer $45, six fer $125!”

Charlie Wrangel (sic) 40th term congressman from Harlem who just got re elected after negotiating a large volume discount from his supporters despite his mostly hispanic constituents in his newly redistricted neighborhood said “whether you’re rich or your poor, or speak English, it always pays to have money if you want to buy an election!”

Historically votes in Atlantic Beach, SC, cost just $5 but there was only 45 votes counted in the last Mayoral election for the winner, currently in jail after she couldn’t raise bail on assorted fraud and parking violations.

Said a local business person who contributes to the tax base of the town…”I don’t know what we’re going to do…the overhead is going to kill us..after all there is a ceiling to how much our customers are willing to pay for a lap dance, let alone a scrub and a rub in the hot tub!”

Pastor Jeremiah “Big Johnson” Johnson, from a parish in Louisiana was all in with the announcement.

“That Mississippi election opened my eyes, it did! All those years those smarmy democrats were paying $3 for a vote, and $200 for me to get up on sunday and urge my children to vote Democratic. Now those rich white Republicans come into Mississippi and paid my fellow god fearing ministers $5k to get out the vote for a white republican, and hand out $25 and an Obama phone just to march down to the polls and mark an x on the ballot! Capitalism….that’s the ticket isn’t it?”

In Chicago Rev. Wright was heard to mutter, ‘ God DAMN those cheap liberal Bastards!’

“Elections will never be the same ” claimed FL Congressman Alan Grayson, ” I need all the money I can get to pay my legal fees for driving while on Ambien, beating my wife, and trying to settle my divorce with a wife I never legally married!”

Chuck Shumer, the spokesman for the National Jewish Congressional Caucus stated on CNN “I’m sure we can work out an accommodation with our Black Brothers’ and Sisters…after all, we’re all pretty good at haggling out a good deal for ourselves!”

Sheila Jackson Lee said she was agreeable to negotiate ‘but it will have to be in a neutral zone like South Dakota…we’re not falling for that Hymie talk about meeting in Beverley Hills ,Palm Springs, NYC or Newton, MA where we couldn’t get a fair hearing from a bunch of Rabbis with Beanies! Buying votes is a lot more complicated than buying uncut diamonds on the corner of Times Square or in Breighton Beach!”

Due to the uncertainty of the financial outcome, the Hillary, Bill & Chelsea Foundation announced they would be raising their speaking fees $50,000 as well as renegotiating Chelsea’s TV contract which pays her a $600K annual non-appearance fee.

The SEIU said today they’ll be starting to organize for Black Voters in order to insure proper benefits including a pension, health care including rehab, free methadone, and money for women who recently recanted after killing off their unborn to adapt a few kids from the ‘no kill immigrant shelters’ described by E.Williams in a earlier SW story.

The Census Bureau said the new income stream of over 40M unemployed African Americans would lower the unemployment level to 2.2% and be a rousing victory for Obama’s economic policies and be a boost for Dems in November , ‘not to mention they don’t even need an ID, background check or drug test!”

Nancy Pelosi was unavailable for comment as she was in conference with her decorator to discuss redoing the Speaker of the House office and getting rid of all the white chairs, sofa’s and a folding day bed stained with sun tan oil and other ‘effluents.”

More after negotiations continue on the selling out of America.



One Response to “Congressional Black Caucus Raises Rates to buy votes citing overhead and cost of ObamaCare!”

  1. Philbert of Macadamia

    Jun 27th, 2014

    Congressman Charlie Rangel (D-NY) says Republican’s are against President Obama because he’s an African-American. No Charlie it’s because this president is just as incompetent, clueless and corrupt as you are!

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