California Bill drops ‘husband or Wife’ from marriage vows for “pitcher, catcher, and designated ‘switch hitter.”
by captain america on 09/07/14 at 8:30 am
Sacramento, CA – (satireworld.com)
In a bow to sexual correctness CA governor Jerry ‘Moonbeam” Brown signed a bill banning the word ‘husband “or “wife’ from state legal documents including marriage licenses, wills, living trusts, pre-nuptials, divorce decrees,
child custody battles and ‘alienation of affection’ suits.
The bill allocated $152M for a panel ,yet to be appointed, to scour all of the states pre-printed forms, school textbooks, divorce settlements and child custody battles meaning that all such cases adjudicated could be overturned on technicalities and be reheard. In addition it would be required that all forms and text books would have to be reprinted to fall in line with gender neutral Common Core guidelines requiring the remaining California Redwoods be turned into pulp.
The bill was sponsored by the states 4,575,000 attorneys who claimed they were the victims of income inequality and were in danger of falling out of the top 1% of income earners in the state.
President of the California bar Saul Weintraub III, reached for comment said, “oy….now we’re talking real money”.
Weintraub said the bill would be a big boost to employment ,”we’ll be increasing our staff of para-legals in order to handle the huge backlog of discrimination suits brought by thousands of oppressed LBGT victims !”
Another bi-product, or unintended consequence of the bill, was that Stanford Law school announced it was raising tuition $35,000 to a new high of $95k a year, not including textbooks, room ,board and contraceptives.
Unemployed barrister, Sandra Fluke, now running for a state legislature seat, was thrilled with the news.
“OMG….now I’ll be able to afford to pay off my student loans and open my own office!” Fluke who bats left and often was inserted in the ‘clean up’ slot at Georgetown Law School intramural league games claimed that the decision was even bigger than Rosie O’donnell returning to the View after a year of being sent down to the minors to regain her stroke and reputation of being ‘a big hitter’ and the ‘Queen of Twat’ (sic/with apologies to Babe Ruth)
Texas governor Rick Perry said in the past few days the border has been overrun with heterosexuals fleeing to the state claiming ‘persecution’, gang violence, social injustice and fear of the Aids virus. The UN refused to intervene saying, “those chicken hawks are just coming home to roost!”
Asked why he wouldn’t meet Obama on the tarmac for a photo op whilst the President was dropping in for 3 fund raisers for Wendy Davis and Planned Parenthood, Perry said,” haven’t you been reading the papers….I don’t need head lice and scabies..I’ve got my hands full fighting off future democrats crushing the borders he’s supposed to be defending!”
More after they drop a tent over Texas in an attempt to fumigate the place and make it safe for Americans again.