Round up of stray dogs on Martha’s Vineyard “not connected” with Obama’s hiring of Halal butcher says vacation chef Todd English!

by on 13/07/14 at 3:56 pm

Obama has vowed not to let the Martha's Vineyard dog problem get in the way of good living

Obama has vowed not to let the Martha’s Vineyard dog problem get in the way of good living

Martha’s Vineyard, MA – (

Taking a page from his mentor Vladimir Putin, reports from Martha’s Vineyard say the Secret Service has directed the local dog catcher Wiggy McDermott to put more effort into catching and detaining a plethora of stray dogs long tolerated on the pet friendly island.

Many locals see the mandate coming from Valerie Jarrett as a direct flip flop from Barry’s immigration policy of “Catch ‘n Release” currently coming to an explosive head in the United States.

After denying they were shipping lice ridden illegals to MA just last week, (L)ICE agents (sic) were forced to admit they had just dropped off 4 planeloads of illegals in the Commonwealth with final destination being New Bedford, home of rampant EBT, SNAP and drug abuse thanks to their open waterfront policy of duty free drugs coming in on local lobster boats.

New Bedford police who target only white republicans driving under the speed limit for fund raising purposes, said “it’s only illegal to be legal in our town” as they looked the other way while spraying themselves with DEET to ward off the critters attached to the new citizens like remoras while announcing they would now be known as the Vice & Lice Squad leaving locals scratching their head (NPI) in agony.

Meanwhile the White House continues to maintain that the Obama’s EXTENDED 2 week vacation to the Vineyard is only ‘a modest excursion” designed to keep taxpayer’s money at home instead of sending it over seas to previous destinations like Africa, China, Indonesia, Brussels and Spain.

As I discussed earlier, Captain America (that’s me) has set up a ‘coast watcher’ hide out in Mashpee, with a direct view over the 15 mile distance to the Vineyard, and on a direct flight path for overloaded AF Cargo Masters barely clearing the trees bringing in ‘the modest needs’ for the first family’s junket.

Most have been coming in late at night to the former Otis Air Force base lighting up the area with their bright landing lights as locals call 911 fearing a space alien invasion.

The White House has blocked out hundreds of sleeping accommodations over the past year for the Obama entourage, usually consisting of over 900 souls, ruining the vacation plans for thousands of families looking forward to visiting.

Secretary of defense Chuck Finagle (sic) has dispatched a fleet of WWII LSTs to facilitate moving over 65 heavily armored Government Motor’s Yukon XL’S when informed the local ferry service could not accommodate the President’s endless black ‘pimp-mobiles’ and service regular tourists which support the meager island economy.

Due to run way specs, AF 1,2,3, and 4 will land at Otis, and everyone including Bo the dog will be ferried to the island in a fleet of Attack Helicopters protected by an armed formation of the Blue Angles and also supported by a nuclear powered anti-missile destroyer dispatched from the Middle East where Secretary of State John Kerry said ‘since I’ve resolved the situation there, it’s no longer needed to protect US interests.” (see: Kerry puts in for Nobel Prize award despite concussion and life threatening ketchup clot)

As a side note Homeland Security (sic) said they were awarding a grant to Martha’s Vineyard of a contingent of ‘used’ armored Huma’s (sic), and motorized tracked vehicles with mini-guns, 20mm cannons and grenade launch capability “in case things go out of hand with delirious crowds of the President’s fans trying to reach out and touch him!”

It was also confirmed that the Postal Service and FEMA had been convinced to reallocate over 1B rounds of 9mm, .40, and .45 caliber hydro-shock ammo for local law enforcement to ‘practice’ with before being released onto the street August 9-24.

Captain America, hunkered down in besieged small town America.

3 Responses to “Round up of stray dogs on Martha’s Vineyard “not connected” with Obama’s hiring of Halal butcher says vacation chef Todd English!”

  1. E. Williams

    Jul 13th, 2014

    Please do your part to keep the pet population down. Spay or neuter your animal or invite Barack over for dinner.

    • Bargis

      Jul 14th, 2014

      Cap has gone a long way to protect his dog while vacationing. His beachfront home sits right next to the Obama Compound. By merely hanging a sign that reads ‘WARNING! ENDANGERED SPECIES’ around Fluffy’s neck has drawn accolades from concerned citizens and almost $300 in donations fron the town’s eccentric liberals!

  2. captain america

    Jul 14th, 2014

    …it’s nothing but a dog eat dog world onObama’s menu…
    “what’s in your gastro-intestinal track”…

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