by captain america on 17/07/14 at 7:36 pm
Harvard, MA – (satireworld.com)
A semi-partisan think tank released the results of a 6 year study after tracking graduates who had matriculated from elite universities up to 30 years ago and had gone on to careers where they proved they couldn’t smoke dope and manage anything at the same time.
“Git yer mind Right” is funded by Satire World editor Bargis Tryhol as a 501C non-profit devoted to take on left minded progressives who dominate the main stream media, and corrupt politicians bankrupting American cities as they pander to corrupt unions and pocket payoffs.
“It took 4 years and $3.5M in legal fees to finally get the IRS to get off my arse and approve
the application,” Bargis said, “luckily we were the only one who finally retrieved Lois Lerner’s E-mails and nude pictures and when they found out we were approved in 5 minutes and got a written apology from Eric Holder!”
Harvard University led the list with dozens of ‘elite’ graduates granted diplomas in such diverse and challenging subjects as ‘Indian Affairs” (Liz Warren), “Therapeutic Water Sports” (John Kerry), Race Relations for fun & profit” (Barack O’Bama), Gay Economics in 2000, bringing the economy to it’s knees, (Barney Frank), How to fool the public ALL THE TIME (MA Governor Deval Patrick) (attending on a W.C. Fields scholarship grant), How to convince people to expose themselves in public, (drop out Mark Yuckenberg (sic), Cause and Effects of Promiscuity, (John, Robert & Ted Kennedy) Ed Note: Teddy was caught cheating (masturbating during the final) and suspended, Moon Phases and how it affects rational thinking (Al Gore), Managing for Effect and Respect (Jill Abramson recently sacked from the NYT for her lack of), Blowing someone’s mind though chemistry (Ted Kaczynski/Uni-Bomber).
Some other shocking findings revealed by the think tank in recent weeks:
Obesity linked to fat people.
Penis Envy discovered as root cause of LBGT divorces!
Why Chooming in High School will blow your mind and leads to Adult Psychosis and other delusions of grandeur!
Why having a big arse is not just for reality shows anymore: The return of pants suits as a political fashion statement.
Skittles: why it’s the leading cause of early death to Afro-American gang bangers.
*To verify this report check NOPES: a service of SW and writer Walter Bucket!
From the editor: if you like our lies, you can repeat them. PERIOD.