Majority of Illegal Immigrant Children Approved for Asylum, But Which One?

by on 19/07/14 at 6:25 am

Public Affairs Director Ned 'Evil' Williams says almost 43% of all asylum residents will leave within 10 years. The rest will be interred at 'no cost' in the Moorview Cemetary

Public Affairs Director Ned ‘Evil’ Williams says almost 43% of all asylum residents will leave within 10 years. The rest will be interred at ‘no cost’ in the Moorview Cemetary

Dr. Angus Ward heads up  Moorview's medical research team and has pioneered several miraculous treatments for brown eyes.

Dr. Angus Ward heads up Moorview’s medical research team and has pioneered several miraculous treatments for brown eyes.

Medical facilities at Moorview Institute assure all that first class health services are available in the event of a medical emergency.

Medical facilities at Moorview Institute assure all that first class health services are available in the event of a medical emergency.

Head Cook Nelson Tryhol whips up a few crepes and berries for a hearty Moorview breakfast.

Head Cook Nelson Tryhol whips up a few crepes and berries for a hearty Moorview breakfast.

At Moorview Institute the on-site staff of teachers are eager to help akiens tre-settle by improving English skills

At Moorview Institute the on-site staff of teachers are eager to help aliens re-settle by improving English skills

A shipment of refugeees from Peru get the once over from Moorview Healt Service Agent Buck Fischer. About 30% are sent to the crematorium for 'further evaluation' says Fischer.

A shipment of refugeees from Peru get the once over from Moorview Health Service Agent Buck Fischer. About 30% are sent to the crematorium for ‘further evaluation’ says Fischer.

Moorview Institute Nurse Louise Fletcher inspects for roaches and lice before admitting a girl from Belize.

Moorview Institute Nurse Louise Fletcher inspects for roaches, silver fish, and lice before admitting a girl from San Antonio.

Dr. Harris Loyld and Captain Miles Ashcroft say all minors will be afforded excellent care. Only the most nasty will be'corrected.'

Dr. Harris Loyld and Captain Miles Ashcroft say all minors will be afforded excellent care. Only the most hardheaded will be’corrected.’

Moorview Asylum in Austin, Texas will be housing up to 7,000 young alien immigrants for up to 7 years at taxpayer's expense.

Moorview Institute and Asylum in Austin, Texas will be housing up to 7,000 young alien immigrants for up to 7 years at taxpayer’s expense.

Moorview Institute and Asylum- Austin,TX – (satireworld.com)

According to the House Judiciary Committee, two-thirds of illegal children who have requested asylum after crossing our southern border will be admitted and allowed to stay in our country.

But why would any child want to live their life in an asylum? Those places are scary and filled with mentally ill patients who, for the most part, are peaceful people who don’t mean to harm others. However, it seems like a strange choice.

Inigo Montoya, the Spanish swordsman from ‘The Princess Bride’ said, “I do not think that word means what those kids think it means.”

It kind of makes sense in a way since the kids will have all of their needs met and the bill will be picked up by the American taxpayer. Also, living in an asylum in America may be a step up from what these kids are used to in their home countries.

Nancy Pelosi for once had a good idea yesterday when she suggested we house the kids at Alcatraz. Mrs. Pelosi cares more about the children than any other living American and this way they would be close to her home district in San Francisco and she could keep an eye on them. What a true humanitarian she is.

Many feel that Pelosi feels a strong connection to the kids since she should already be living in an asylum herself.

Government officials have remained mum on the possible locations of asylums that might be used to house the immigrants but most of them are probably pretty creepy places.

This could be one of the strategies: To take the kids to these places at which time they will decide that life south of the border is not so bad after all.

That clever government of ours! They never cease to amaze me.

P.S. – During further research, I have discovered that the word asylum has another meaning. That’s strange. Why would the kids choose life in an asylum instead of gaining protection granted by a nation to someone who has left their native country as a political refugee? Weird.



One Response to “Majority of Illegal Immigrant Children Approved for Asylum, But Which One?”

  1. E. Williams

    Jul 19th, 2014

    What can I say? As a Public Affairs Director, one must be compassionate!

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