Disorientated John Kerry held for mental evaluation after docking yacht in Nantucket drunk and nude!
by captain america on 31/07/14 at 6:01 am
Nantuckett, MA – (satireworld.com)
The Secretary of State, appearing dazed and confused after his fiasco in attempting to add the Nobel prize to the long list of bogus awards, was forcible restrained after he plowed his $7m ,76′ custom sloop into the dock while flying his mast at half staff!
An aide said “the secretary hasn’t been himself since a full body scan in Egypt showed “absolutely nothing in his shorts” and he was forced into the standing room only section at the peace conference he crashed uninvited.”
Kerry was soundly mocked and dissed in the Israel media after telling Israel they would have no part in negotiations involving the security of their country, instead saying that Turkey and Qatar would ‘represent their interests’ at the ‘suicide talks’ with Hamas prompting Israeli officials to say “I thought he had jewish roots…now we find out he a secret rag head?”
(ED Note:Though not widely publicized kerry’s grandfather was in reality an Austrian named Fritz Kohn before he changed his name to Kerry and his religion to ‘catholic’ for business and political reasons not to mention the opportunity it gave his off spring to march in St. Patrick’s day parades in Boston.)
The final blow came when Kerry asked to be directed to the men’s room and security showed him to the ladies room complete with a bidet and told him, ‘this is for you since you can’t even wipe your own arse!”
The Nantucket yacht club board of directors was said to be huddled in an emergency meeting to discuss the removal of Kerry as the Commodore of the club with concerns he may become violent if they attempted to take his Commodore’s hat from him amid rumours that he even wore it when taking a bath and playing with his rubber duckies.
A doctor on staff at the hospital admitting room said, “I was shocked at his condition, his face looked even longer than usual, he was babbling in French, and was pleading with us not to send him to a VA hospital claiming ‘Even if I survive the wait I’ll never come out alive!”
Susan Rice, by passed for the post and relegated to Obama’s ‘Security Advisor” said on 5 Sunday talk shows that Kerry ‘may be suffering from “Post Traumatic Stress” after his claim for a 4th Purple Heart was tabled after he couldn’t find anyone to support his claim he was injured
when an alleged Suicide Bomber “tried to blow me up,” but only loudly farted when Kerry attempted to shake hands with him but pulled his finger by mistake.
Our source said Kerry jumped so high he banged his head under the desk he was using for cover and may now have a “Clinton Brain Clot” which causes him to ‘black out a lot’ and led to an uncontrollable urge to expose himself in public.
Other’s are speculating that he may be suffering from Tourette’s Syndrome as he keeps mumbling
“that F*****g Obama and that *&^%#@ Michelle….#@%^&+ b*****h!
More if the former Secretary gets a grip on himself , if indeed he can find it!