Jealous and Irate First Lady Michelle Obama Orders Secret Service Detail To Call Her “First MILF”

by on 12/08/14 at 6:43 am

MLIF? You Decide.... Left-First Lady of France Center-First Lady of Spain Right-Well, you know

FIRST LADY MILF? You Decide….
Left-First Lady of France
Center-First Lady of Spain
Right-Well, you know

Washington, DC – (satireworld.com)

First Lady Michelle Obama reacted negatively to her husband’s presidential order making Nancy Pelosi a MILF. She has ordered the White House staff and her secret service detail to immediately begin calling her “First MILF.” The First Lady is often referred to in Secret Service radio chatter as “F.L.O.T.U.S.” (First Lady Of The United States) or “One Mama.”

Last week, President Barack Obama issued Presidential Order 6969FU, naming Nancy Pelosi to MILF status. Michelle apparently feels slighted by this, as indicated by her PMS style rant at the local Washington D.C. chapter of an inner city education and literacy action group which she supports (“B.A.S.F.R.A.S.,” Brutha’s and Sista’s Fo’ Readin’ An’ Shit).

“Barack said Nancy’s a MILF! Barack be signin’ papers sayin’ Nancy be a MILF? Do he go to Nancy when he want a little sumthin’? Do he go to that pasty white bitch for a booty call? I got me some stretch marks from havin’ his kids. I gots to put up with his gruntin’ and groanin’ on top of me and he callin’ her a MILF? I think I gonna have headaches fo’ the next month! I ain’t suckin’ on them little ACORNS of his never again! I thinks I might take his teleprompter out of the bedroom so he don’t knows where to put stuff! He best stop hatin’ on me!”

White House spin doctors were quickly called out to find a way to suppress the First Lady’s statement, but it had already been recorded and posted on Youtube (where it went viral within minutes) and Fox News.

In Chicago, Oprah Winfrey also displayed dismay and jealousy at the Presidential Order. “I bought that man the White House! I am THE Oprah Winfrey! I should be not only his first MILF appointment, I should be his MILF Czar! I made that man and I can put him back where he belongs!”

The agents of her Secret Service detail will now have to stop referring to her secretly as “H.O.W.” (Hell on Wheels) or “B.I.H.” (Bitch in Heat). Recently retired detail head Bodie Conner said “maybe they can just pretend that the “F” in MILF really stands for “Flog!”



One Response to “Jealous and Irate First Lady Michelle Obama Orders Secret Service Detail To Call Her “First MILF””

  1. Philbert of Macadamia

    Aug 12th, 2014

    UN Ambassador Samantha Power has more Testicular Fortitude with respect to the ISIS attacks in Iraq than President Obama!

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