by captain america on 15/08/14 at 5:48 am
Martha’s Vinyard, MS – (satireworld.com)
President Obama agreed with former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi that he would not mandate ‘boots on the ground’ as bloody ISIS terrorists continued their rampage in the country he abandoned to appease his base instead deciding to ‘tax them out of business!”
Said Pelosi, “hey, it worked over here…employment is down, folks have stopped looking for work, start ups are failing, and 92 million are staying home and keeping out of trouble…Brilliant, simply Brilliant!”
Insiders say he is returning to DC from Martha’s Vineyard for a ‘high level’ emergency conference with the IRS, the Ways and Means committee, (formerly chaired by tax cheat Charlie Wrangle (sic), and Fed Chairman Yellsen to announce a far reaching action to put a stop to the rampage by hampering ISIS fund raising ability.
Obama said he would be bringing Lois Lerner ‘out of retirement’ to head up the division dealing with non-prophet (sic) applications from ISIS, the Muslim Brotherhood, BOKO Harem, and Al Sharpton’s pac OFM (organizing for me-self).
The President, using his now famous executive order, imposed a $5m ‘head tax’ for every head collected by ISIS as they cut through most of Iraq’s Christian citizens and former military who had thrown down their weapons in hopes of clemency. (wrong decision Ali-Bumble!)
Pelosi strongly backed the President’s 2500 page executive order saying “now’s the time to support our President…there’s plenty of time before 2016 to figure out WTF he’ trying to do here and TIME IS MONEY!”
Tax collection, according to the order, would be put under control of the State Department with Secretary of State John Kerry tasked with meeting with the terrorists and collecting ‘cash only.’
Kerry immediately recalled former Homeland Security chief Janet Napitalano for the post, who in turn urged the President to pardon financial guru Bernie Madoff to handle the revenue and keep a clear and transparent accounting.
White House spokesman, Josh Earnest , known by his code name Howdy Doody to the Press, said this was just another example of the President continuing to ‘reduce the deficit, increase employment, and reduce decapitation to a manageable level!”
Vice President Biden has been put in charge of the census for counting heads, with Obama saying “Joe will be my sheriff in Mosul…no one will get away with hiding their taxable gains which he’ll collect at the point of his shotgun if push comes to shove…no one messes with Joe!”
Mathematical wizards in the government accounting office said that at the current rate of decapitations and at $5m a head, Obama’s $17T deficit would be reduced to a more manageable $67,000 in time for Hillary Clinton to pick up where Obama left off and get the deficit up to a more democratically acceptable level of $20T to appease the Chinese and prevent an economic bubble in the Far East.
Chris Christie volunteered Atlantic City as a detention center for tax avoiders saying, “you can bet your arse we can house them in our bankrupt casinos and they won’t dare venture out on the streets here with the risk of ‘the knock out games’ and Molotov cocktails encouraged by Sharpton’s rampaging ‘pants at half mast’ spear chucking warriors!’
A photo op later showed Obama and Christie hugging in the abandoned REVEL casino which is about to default on $250M taxpayer backed loans.
The White House sent out a hash tag to support beleaguered Iraq Christians: “#ifyoulikeyourheadsyoucan keepem! (PERIOD)”