by Walter Bucket on 01/09/14 at 10:33 am
(satireworld.com) Walter Bucket Presents: TRUE FACTS
1. A good milk cow will give 1500 gallons of milk a year. Although a bad milk cow will do the same, but it will also twist a bit and shit on your right foot.
2. Only 10% of all animal life still exists today, according to the 2010 census.
3. A whales heart will only beat 10 times a minute unless it spots a Japanese ship nearby.
4. Except for Superman, the bat is the only mammal that can actually fly.
5. The Great Upside Down Pyramids of Egypt are even more puzzling that Stonehenge.
6. Contrary to what most peoples believe, the Boulder Dam is not built from boulders.
7. The Flying Snake of Java can fly by flattening itself out like a ribbon and fly to the nearest Starbucks for a cuppa.
8. Despite their cute little bodies, a seahorse can snap off the end of a child’s finger in 2 seconds.
9. Male monkeys go bald just like men. The only difference, they claim they wore it off on a tree trunk instead of a bedstead.
10. A moose can have antlers eight feet across and easily kill a huge beached whale within minutes.
11. As people age, they have trouble hearing high pitched sounds. For instance, Captain Kangaroo told a friend to write down Tom Terrifics lines on his wrists. (Example: “How are you today, Captain?”…….”Yes I agree, Ralph Lauren. Uh, Tom, where are you taking the kids today?”).
12. The largest Kangaroos are eight tall and have heads the size of John Kerry and a tail bigger than that thing stalking Kim Kardashian.