by Walter Bucket on 09/09/14 at 11:17 pm
(satireworld.com) Walter Bucket Presents: TRUE FACTS
1. If you never fought in Vietnam then you probably never heard of The Yellow Prick Road. It’s even called The Ho Chi Minh Trail by Country Joe & the Fish.
2. Some mushrooms grow out of horse manure. They are considered a delicacy in France. But so is the horse and the manure.
3. Wild Femur Monkeys are only found on Wild Femur Monkey Island.
4. Telekinesis is the ability to move objects without touching them. This can be proven by placing a gassy drunk on an elevator.
5. 90% of all Good Humor Ice Cream dealers retire early after getting so fat they couldn’t get back on the little van.
6. Over 200 mimes and deaf people have been killed or badly injured over the deaf person thinking the mimes were calling them clowns!
7. If you meet a shark while swimming, don’t panic. Strong smells like pee and poop draw them to you.
8. Every year at least a dozen drunks in New York City die from a heart attack trying to walk up the down escalator.
9. A chipmunks cheeks can stretch up to three times the size of it’s head. One with a head the size of that of John Kerry could probably carry enough nuts to store Central Park for most of the winter.
10. In January, 2014, Art Bullwinkle announced that he was losing his voice and had to give up his part as the voice of Garfunkle in “The New Rocky and Bullfinkle Movie. “I was really looking forward to working with Stallone”, he told the press.
11. Most dogs bjorn in Switzerland not only bark but also yodel.
12. The middle fingernail grows faster than the others. That’s probably what all those people are trying to tell you when you’re out driving 50 MPH to save on gas.