by E. Williams on 19/09/14 at 7:28 am
Washington D.C. – (satireworld.com)
The coalition being put together by President Obama and Secretary of State John Kerry to deal with the terrorist threat known as ISIS is creating an usual mix of fighting forces designed to destroy the evil force in the Middle East.
As country after country from around the world continue to opt out of providing fighting forces and, instead, offer only money, aid, supplies, advisors, or air bases, the President is getting desperate to find entities that will actually go hand-to-hand with the ISIS fighters. So far, the President has ruled out using American troops to do the dirty ground work.
Intelligence will be gathered by the entire cast of the Lord of the Rings movies, including the dwarves, as those little bastards have set the standard for trekking long distances in bleak conditions while always getting the job done.
The first wave of ground forces committed to help the President will be furnished by the Andorians. The Andorians are best known for their appearance in the Star Trek universe and are a warrior race with blue skin and antennae. They will certainly strike fear into the hearts and minds of ISIS fighters and should be here in a week, after making the trip from their home planet Andor.
Next, Mr. Obama has received commitments from both Blade, Hellboy, and Riddick, each with their special skills. A HUGE get for Mr. Obama was having Godzilla commit to doing some damage in the sands of the Middle East. In addition, the worm-like creatures from Tremors will add an element of surprise and terror to the upcoming epic battle. Chewbacca will direct airstrikes on the region.
Finally, after the smoke clears, Optimus Prime and his band of Transformers will make sure nothing is left standing in what is now Syria and parts of Iraq. The world will breathe a sigh of relief resting in the knowledge that it will be some time before evil raises it’s ugly head again to mess with the militaristic mastermind we all know as President Obama!