by Walter Bucket on 24/09/14 at 7:13 am
(satireworld.com) Walter Bucket Presents: TRUE FACTS
1. Next to crocodiles, American alligators have the strongest bite in the animal kingdom. They can grow over 19 feet, so there’s no way you are going to outrun the thing.
2. In 1951, President Harry S. Truman called General MacArthur to the White House. Guards outside the door stated that they heard shouts of “Hairy Ass!” and “Fired Ass!” for over half an hour.
3. A group of Boy Scouts in Michigan have been hospitalized with burns when a new kid mistakenly used a star farter instead of a fire starter.
4. The man who does the voice for Homer Simpson is allergic to beer.
5. The ancient Pterygotus was a twenty-seven-and-a-half-foot long scorpion. One sting and you’d explode.
6. President Obama is considering printing a trillion dollar bill and placing his own picture on it. “18 of these will pay off our national debt”, he told congress.
7. The first Oatmeal Creme Pie by Little Debbie in 1965 was as big as a hubcap and cost five cents.
8. One thing that really ‘riled’ the McCoys was so many Hatfields had completed the third reader. “They think they’s so smart. We’s gettin our own TV Show, ‘The Riled McCoys’. Now who’s the pretty one?”
9. A new study shows that most families today blame everything on the house pet. “Yes, that was me getting home late from the AA meeting last night but it was that stupid cat that fell down the stairs and left that mess on the floor.”
10. Swallowed chewing gum stays in your body for ten years and finally comes out the bottom of your shoe.
11. During early laser surgery, several surgeons were sued after sneezing away the family jewels.
12. Preserved either by chemicals or their natural environment, the bodies of Egyptian mummies do not decay. (Must have been an ugly bunch of skinny people).
13. In 2013 Mexico announced that the tunnels some of their citizens had dug into the United States are the same ones the Americans are using to dump U.S. nuclear waste into Mexico.
14. Psychiatrists have determined that twins can have psychological problems later in life from being dressed alike while growing up, especially if one is male and the other is female.
15. It is customary to tip a bookmobile driver when they stop at your house to allow you to borrow books.