by E. Williams on 28/09/14 at 6:26 am
Chicago – (satireworld.com)
During a recent interview on “Channel One,” the news and current affairs programming playing in classrooms across the country, Queen of the United States, Michelle Obama, told students that, “Change is hard. It tastes like crap and it’s not filling. In fact, change can many times taste like an inedible sawdust and glue mixture, with maybe a little tofu thrown in for protein. Don’t even get me started on what ‘Hope’ tastes like!” Her Majesty cackled.
The interview, part of Snickers new “Gonna Be a While…….Before Your Next Taxpayer-Funded Vacation?” campaign, Michelle admitted she gets cranky too when she gets hungry. “I’m just glad I’m not still in school myself and don’t have to eat the dirt I’m subjecting all of you to! Let this be a lesson, kids. Stay in school, study hard, and before you know it you can be out from under my non-elected rule of cafeteria tyranny.”
Queen Michelle went on to give out these helpful reminders to the students: You can eat when you’re in college and, if the grid shuts down, students will have the easiest time adjusting to living off the land and creating nutritious meals from the contents of a trashcan or dumpster.
By this time in the interview, many in her audience had passed out due to hunger. But the School Lunch Czar wasn’t done. She went on to remind the students they will learn more about Liberalism when they get to college. “After you learn about liberalsm, you will understand why my lunch program was such a success! It was for your own good. You see, when practicing liberalism, the goal is to take a problem, make it worse, and then expect someone else to come along and fix it.”
Queen Michelle chastised the students that if they didn’t like the school lunches they should do something about it, like “figuring out how to help their school make their lunches taste better.” Betty Gelke, a skinny white chick at Chapel High School, complained that the Queen seemed unconcerned in her talk with the kids. “She suggested we get creative, like using tumbleweeds for pretzel snacks. What the hell is that?!”
Michelle cut the interview off abruptly when the White House chef entered the room to let her know her mid-morning snack of rack of lamb, buttered potatoes, Cheetos, and a Yoo-Hoo chocolate drink fountain were ready at the trough in the next room.