Joe Biden Apologizes to Erdogan of Turkey, Aragorn – Son of Arathorn

by on 06/10/14 at 9:52 pm

"If that buffoon calls me 'his precious' I'm gonna stick him with my big fat sword!"

“If that buffoon calls me ‘his precious’ I’m gonna stick him with my big fat sword!”

Washington, D.C. – (

Ever the one with his foot in his mouth, Vice President Joe Biden seems to be on an apology tour himself lately. Earlier this week, Mr. Biden was forced to apologize to the leader of Turkey, President Erdogan, after stating that Turkey had aided in the building up of ISIS in the country of Syria. Biden hopes his apology will smooth over any tension with Turkey and keep them as an ally in the fight against the militant terrorist group.

Then, today, the Vice President was forced to issue a formal apology to Aragorn, Son of Arathorn, after implying that the warrior from the Lord of the Rings trilogy and his buddy Gandolf had not done enough to help in the effort to defeat ISIS.

“Look, I don’t understand complicated things,” said Biden. “So I break things down in my mind in a way I can understand them. I view ISIS as the evil Sauron, like in the movies, and I just expected a little more help from our friends in Middle Earth. Now Frodo, that little guy has been through so much, so I cut him a break. But the other guys, I have to admit, I’m a little disappointed.”

Legolas the Elf was reportedly pissed. He apparently didn’t appreciate the insinuation that his friends, Aragorn and Gandalf, were being lazy in the fight against evil. Asked to clarify, Legolas stared stonefaced into the distance and replied, “The red sun rises, blood has been spilled this night.” OK, whatever.

The latest word was that Biden has been busy working the phones in an attempt to continue adding countries to the coalition working with the United States against the Islamic State. Just this morning, Mr. Biden had already placed calls to Nick Fury, Morpheus, The Tick, and Walgreens, to see if his meds were ready.

2 Responses to “Joe Biden Apologizes to Erdogan of Turkey, Aragorn – Son of Arathorn”

  1. ccaptain america

    Oct 7th, 2014

    …Biden, another hack who overstayed his welcome and played too long in the rain without his rubbers….the only guy who got a Brazilian and then changed his mind and went back for hair implants…as Buckwheat said, “what he’s trying to cultivate on his head grows wild on my arse!”

  2. Bargis

    Oct 7th, 2014

    I bet Biden’s best buddy is Dildo Baggins!

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