Global Warming Sues NYT Reporter for Slander

by on 08/10/14 at 7:10 am

Care for a little frost wind Joe?

Care for a little more hot wind Joe?


On an appearance on MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough hosted show, Morning Joe, New York Times reporter Nick Confessore told Scarborough that neither ISIS nor radical Islam are the greatest existential threat America faces. His pick for the greatest threat? Global Warming.

Global Warming (GW) immediately called into the show and announced it would be filing a lawsuit against the reporter for slander and vowed the reporter would “never work in this town again.” GW told Scarborough it didn’t appreciate being lumped in the same category as the bloodthirsty killers from the Middle East and promised a hotter than usual summer next year over Mr. Confessore’s upscale house on the upper West Side.

“If I even exist, and I’m not saying I do,” GW insisted, “I would never be as harsh as those cold-blooded bastards who are beheading innocent people and instilling fear and hate in the hearts and minds of people around the world! Mr. Confessore’s comments are poorly thought out, capricious and without merit.”

“He wants to see global warming? Let’s see how he likes it when my legal fees melt his wallet in the courtroom! That little egghead will rue the day he put me in the same group as ISIS and made me out to be some sort of monster.”

Finally, Scarborough interrupted and managed to calm GW down a bit. Mr Confessore was curled in a fetal position in the corner, trembling, by the time the call ended. “I think we’re done here, Mr. Confessore.” Scarborough said. Scarborough sidekick, Mika Brzezinski, only said the segment with GW left her feeling “hot and bothered.”

Mr. Confessore slowly gathered himself and left the building. Onlookers noticed nobody would come within fifty feet of the embarrassed reporter who, hopefully, will think twice next time before making such asinine comments on the air in the future.

2 Responses to “Global Warming Sues NYT Reporter for Slander”

  1. Philbert of Macadamia

    Oct 8th, 2014

    Wacko environmentalists protest outside White House that mining asteroids in deep space would cause air pollution!

    • Walter Bucket

      Oct 8th, 2014

      And look at all the crap the archaeologists are digging up from dinosaurs. That old crap can’t be good for our lungs.

      If it’s too cold, too hot, too dry, too wet, too medium, it’s a sign of GW. I guess we have been into GW for thousands of years now because all these things have been happening.

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