Bogus CDC screener arrested at LAX after testing incoming passengers with rectal thermometer…even though no one complained!
by captain america on 11/10/14 at 5:35 pm
Washington, DC – (satireworld.com)
Government officials were scrambling to explain how the son of an influential Obama donor managed get an appointment as a White House advance “Eboly” screener and administrator of temperature checks on over 500 incoming passengers from Londonstan with a rectal thermometer purchased from Wal Mart with his government credit card!
The 25 year old Harvard graduate with a degree in “Anal Retentive Disorders in Politics”,
who can not be named due to the upcoming mid-term elections and current polling data, is the son of yet another Obama donor appointed to a ‘no show’ job after donating to Obama and other Democrats for the past 8 years to the tune of hundreds of thousands of dollars.
Shortly after SW approached the Char-woman of the DNC, Debbie Washerwoman Schultz, it was discovered that Schultz returned a donation check to the boys father to the tune of $400,000 the same day the donation was made and shortly after contact by SW investigators.
While none of the UK testee’s complained about the treatment, in fact most of them were sill smiling about the ‘welcome to the USA stimulus”, government officials were still sensitive after recent contentious debates over gay marriage and who had the right to stick their thingy in places it wasn’t allowed prior to the Obama administration’s executive orders dealing with sexual ‘uman rights legislation promoted by the European Union.
According to eye witnesses, passengers were directed to a small portable room on the concourse shielded only by black curtains where cries of “sock it to me Dude”, and “ken I jist holt on to me hat before you check my temperature agin’, and a few exclamations from Oxford graduates mewing, “Thank you sir, I’ll take another…!!”
The bogus screener was eventually outed after he attempted to screen Satire World staffer “Evil” Williams who was passing through LAX after returning from Oslo where he was one of the finalists for a Nobel Prize for “the most fertile imagination in Spoof Writing” eventually won by fellow SW contributor Walter Bucket who could not attend due to an advanced case of Carpal Tunnel syndrome.
Said Evil, ” I thought nothing of it until I realized the guy wasn’t wearing rubber gloves and hadn’t washed his hands before taking a bite out of his Snickers Bar!”
When officers were called it was determined that his CDC credentials were actually a press card from The Spoof.Com which had expired in 2008 shortly after he was outed as a wife beater from Springfield, IL!
White House aides were forced to admit, “Now that was a big arse mess!”