After F.C.C. Rules “Truth in Advertising” Laws Apply to Political Ads, Politicians Scramble to Overturn Law
by Jalapenoman on 22/10/14 at 4:13 am
Washington, DC – (satireworld.com)
The Federal Communications Commission ruled today the “Truth in Advertising” laws must also be applied and enforced on all political advertisements and commercials. The political scramble in Washington D.C. and other major cities was quick and decisive as:
- 126 Federal Judges quickly moved to overturn the announcement and the original law as being unconstitutional and a restriction of free trade practices (even though those same judges see Obamacare as being constitutional and not a violation of free trade).
- 143 Federal judges quickly moved to overturn the announcement and the original law as being unconstitutional and a restriction of freedom of speech (even though those same judges see The Patriot Act as being constitutional and not a violation of free speech).
- President Obama asked for the resignation of Thomas Wheeler, current head of the F.C.C.
- The Senate moved for a full Senate hearing and investigation and appointed a special prosecutor to look into the Commission and its affairs.
- Networks and local television stations scrambled to fill airtime as 85% of their sold commercial time from now until election day are political ads.
- 962 political and campaign speeches scheduled for this week, along with 412 debates, were cancelled in the event that the law also applied to spoken statements in a broadcast.
- Mail carriers with the United States Postal Service celebrated as their delivery load for the next few weeks just shrunk by 65%.
- Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton announced that this new move was somehow racist and an attempt to “keep the black man down.”
- Ellen Degeneres, Rosie O’Donnell, Clay Aiken, and Neil Patrick Harris complained that this move was another sign of homophobia in America.
- Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh got into a heated war of words with Keith Olbermann and Christ “Tingles” Matthews about whether or not Republicans or Democrats lied most in political ads (though in truth, it’s a tie).
- Michelle Obama said “Dat shit don’t be applying to us cuz we’ze the Prezident.”
- Dr. Phil asked everyone to get in touch with their feelings about the announcement.
- McDonald’s, Ford, Pepsi, and other major corporations rejoiced because they might actually get some of their advertising time back.
- Bill Clinton asked what the definition of “truth” is.
- Mitt Romney wanted to know why this law couldn’t have been passed two years ago during the Presidential campaign.
- Anthony Weiner quickly pulled all of his campaign advertisements of him in his underwear (sent as text messages to 18 through 20 year old female voters) with the caption “The biggest Dick since Cheney.”
- Debbie Wasserman Schultz answered all questions “no comment” when joking reporters started asking her about her mustache problem, sexual encounters to advance her career, and political goals for the future.
- The last remaining people, outside of the Clinton family, with any actual knowledge of Whitewater were found dead (to join the other 20+ people from that group who have already died under mysterious circumstances).
Mostly, however, America breathed a sigh of relief and wished that this could have been real and not just a dream.