Satireworld Exclusive! Abbott and Costello Talk About US Unemployment Figures

by on 25/10/14 at 12:13 pm

'I've been a baaaaaad boy.....'

‘I’ve been a baaaaaad boy…..’

Newark, NJ – (

To understand the common man, you really need to talk with the common man. So when talking with Bud Abbott and Lou Costello about today’s unemployment, we figured it couldn’t get anymore common than that. So, with pad and pencil in hand we stopped by Mr. Fields brownstone apartment house to visit with the Deadbeats of Dorchester Street smack in the heart of good old Newark, New Jersey…

COSTELLO: I want to talk about the unemployment rate in America .
ABBOTT: Good Subject. Terrible Times. It’s 7%.
COSTELLO: That many people are out of work?
ABBOTT: No, that’s 16%.
COSTELLO: You just said 7%.
ABBOTT: 7% Unemployed.
COSTELLO: Right 7% out of work.
ABBOTT: No, that’s 16%. They stopped receiving unemployment checks
COSTELLO: Okay, so it’s 16% unemployed.
ABBOTT: No, that’s 7%…
COSTELLO: WAIT A MINUTE. Is it 7% or 16%?
ABBOTT: 7% are unemployed. 16% are out of work.
COSTELLO: IF you are out of work you are unemployed.
ABBOTT: No, you can’t count the “Out of Work” as the unemployed. You have to look for work to be unemployed.
ABBOTT: No, you miss my point.
COSTELLO: What point?
ABBOTT: Someone who doesn’t look for work, can’t be counted with those who look for work. It wouldn’t be fair.
COSTELLO: To whom?
ABBOTT: The unemployed.
COSTELLO: But they are ALL out of work.
ABBOTT: No, the unemployed are actively looking for work. Those who are out of work stopped looking. They gave up. And, if you give up, you are no longer in the ranks of the unemployed.
COSTELLO: So if you’re off the unemployment rolls, that would count as less unemployment?
ABBOTT: Unemployment would go down. Absolutely!
COSTELLO: The unemployment just goes down because you don’t look for work?
ABBOTT: Absolutely it goes down. That’s how you get to 7%. Otherwise it would be 16%. You don’t want to read about 16% unemployment, do ya?
COSTELLO: That would be frightening.
ABBOTT: Absolutely.
COSTELLO: Wait, I got a question for you. That means there are two ways to bring down the unemployment number?
ABBOTT: Two ways is correct.
COSTELLO: Unemployment can go down if someone gets a job?
ABBOTT: Correct.
COSTELLO: And unemployment can also go down if you stop looking for a job?
ABBOTT: Bingo.
COSTELLO: So there are two ways to bring unemployment down, and the easier of the two is to just stop looking for work.
ABBOTT: Now you’re thinking like an economist.
COSTELLO: I don’t even know what the hell I just said!

And now you know why Obama’s unemployment figures are improving!

One Response to “Satireworld Exclusive! Abbott and Costello Talk About US Unemployment Figures”

  1. captain america

    Oct 26th, 2014

    …and know you know there is never any change for a $Billion dollar government purchase!!!

    Good one…so simple even a 7/11 clerk could figure out, and he doesn’t even speak English!!!

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