by E. Williams on 17/11/14 at 12:36 pm
NEW YORK CITY – (satireworld.com)
This year’s winners of the “Douchebag of the Year” Award were revealed last night, and the results were quite shocking to the elitist crowd in attendance. Many thought this was Speaker of the House John Boehner’s year, after coming so close last year. Others thought it would be Ben Affleck, Kimye, or possibly Rosie O’Donnell.
This year’s winner was a newcomer to the douche scene, Obamacare architect Jonathan Gruber. The crowd gasped in surprise at the announcement and even President Obama was shocked. “I thought it might be me again this year,” the President remarked.
Gruber, also famous for being related to Hans Gruber, the villain from the first Die Hard movie, swooped in during the final days of voting when videos surfaced of the douchebag giving condescending speeches about how stupid the American people are. A university professor by day, Gruber was one of the main players in the selling of the Obamacare scam to members of Congress five years ago.
Being a university professor already gave Gruber a leg up on the competition as most professors are douchebags by nature. He reportedly clinched the title with his over-the-top smugness, combined with a high degree of arrogance and coming across as someone you might like to meet in an alley with a baseball bat, hypothetically speaking, of course.
There is even talk on Capitol Hill about having Gruber testify in front of Congress, as well as an investigation to look into his nefarious actions. The scandal is being aptly named “DoucheGate.”
Runners-up to the Award were The Complicit Media, Maine Ebola nurse Kaci Hickox, Wonder Twins White House Liars extraordinaire 16 year-old Jay Carney and 17 year-old Josh Earnest, President Obama, the constantly pissed off Alec Baldwin, and MSNBC for its non-stop propaganda rather than reporting actual news.
As the winner, Gruber wins public scorn and humiliation (only from Fox News viewers though, since the rest of the media has ignored the story) and the knowledge that he didn’t completely get away with his little scheme and he’s not quite as smart as he thinks he is. His parents must be so proud to have raised such a crooked son.